When I think back to my time living in St. Louis, MO I can recall a countless amount of times when my Pastor made it clear that God placed us there for a reason and that reason was to bring change to our community. I never doubted that whatsoever and I did my best to impact the people around me in numerous ways.
The problem for me though was I didn’t feel like that was enough for me. I felt like there was more that needed to be done. At the beginning of 2018, a few of my small group sisters and I assisted my spiritual advisor with putting together a weekend women’s conference which took place in late May that year.
I vividly remember the second night of the conference as I lay in bed talking to the Father about change. I stated what Pastor had said so frequently, that “we have to change this city” and I agreed with him, but I also expressed to the Father that more than St. Louis needed a change. I said, “what about the state, what about the country, what about the world, God. I want to change the world!”
My heart was heavy with the issues of the world and the lost souls that wonder aimlessly upon it. I cried before the Father as I brought my petition to His feet. It had just been a whisper from my lips to His ears although my heart was screaming it from within. The motive was never in what I could really do, but what I knew God could do through my obedience to be used by Him. I just wanted more people to experience all that He has allowed me to experience about Him, but of course in their own way.
The next day came for us to gather for the final word before we all went our separate ways with what God imparted upon us that weekend. The minister happened to preach on shoes that day, which I hadn’t ever seen done before, but she executed it excellently. After she delivered us the word, she then invited all of us to get in a line specified by the color of our name tag to be prophetically prayed over and to take our shoes to be prayed over as well.
There I was last in my line, not thinking that God would say anything to me, but also feeling free about whatever would take place. Sooner than later my turn came. I didn’t know the women who were getting ready to pray over me, but as soon as they spoke I knew the Father was using them.
I had been preparing to move to California based on God’s instruction, but only 2-3 close people were made known of that at this point in time. I recorded the prophecy, 12 mins in length, so at moments like this I could look back on it. As the women begun, in the first minute she said, “God’s going to take you to nations”, again in the third minute, “He’s going to take you to nations, so don’t get used to the states because you’re going to be moving around”, “don’t get comfortable in the states, go get your bags ready, get ready”, “I have prepared you for this”. She continued but you get the point.
In that moment, I was so overwhelmed by God’s sovereignty that He heard my whisper the night before, that the feeling of readiness and yearning in my heart was actually the ability God gave me to feel His heart for our world. Even more, I knew I could trust it because that was the third prophecy I had knowingly received and two had already come to pass.
It was less than a year later in February 2019, that God introduced me to the World Race and asked me to apply. So, here I am living out the cries of my heart and following the voice of the Lord to bring change to the World.
The only thing is that as I actually began to make the steps to reach this point and people would say wow, look what you’re about to do, you’re going to change the world and even still as I hear some of those things, my outlook hasn’t been the whisper that it was on the night I took it to God. Instead, I had this very real feeling that the world would in fact change me more than I would ever change it.
It’s not to say that I am not making an impact, because God has allowed me to see the difference I make in the environment around me by sharing His word, His love, the story He has given me, and by being who He created me to be. I think the world is impacting me in so many other ways like how to see God in each person He so uniquely created, their cultures, their region of the world, understanding things in new ways, adopting knew thoughts and patterns, while leaving unbeneficial and expired ones behind.
The world has shown me how to have more compassion than I previously had, how to face new fears and to handle obstacles with courage and grace. To embrace life and to be grateful for the things I do and do not have. It has taught me how to create boundaries, but at the same time let down my unnecessary walls to lean in to all that life has to offer. It has shown me what it looks like to be selfless, to live in community and to meet the needs of others even when I may have little to offer in the first place. The world has given me perspective from viewpoints I formerly didn’t have the proper lens to look through. It has shown me how to live out Philippians 4:13 “For I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength”. Which is commonly misinterpreted and actually speaks about learning to be content in all things, knowing that God is our strength and provider, whether we have little or much or times are good or bad. It has sharpened my eyes to see and my ears to hear in new ways. It has grown me through pressure and through grace. I am learning to love more, to want less, to serve more, to complain less, to try more, and to hold back less.
So, you see, I set out with the best intentions to change the world, but more and more I find that the world is actually changing me.
