Learning to quiet my mind, something I’ve always known, is hard for me. I am one who is always thinking about the next task, or analyzing how I can help the person I am with, etc. I am also a multi-tasker to the core. For four months God has been asking me to STOP and let Him take control of everything…….let Him consume my mind. Sure, I know this…….but I also have been pretending not to hear. 
Last month in Malaysia was difficult, spiritually, for me. I felt like I couldn’t hear God’s voice, I felt apathetic to the ministry around me. I was going through the motions with no emotions. It really placed a heavy burden on my heart……on my mind. Why was I not feeling anything?
People talk about spiritual gifts, the Bible talks about them too; but I never thought myself really worthy of them. I didn’t really accept the fact that we are called to have them, that God has given these gifts to us. People have prophesied them on me and I “believe” that they are there, but I don’t fully grasp how to use them. I have not allowed myself to let go of all control, to allow the Holy Spirit to consume me from the inside out. What a shame.
A Chinese Pastor prayed over me, telling me that I need to give my mind fully to Christ. Something finally clicked and I have been striving to do it more and more. It’s amazing the difference that occurs in ministry, in your heart. I have experienced and seen the Holy Spirit more when praying over people……..there has been more impact. I’ve long accepted the fact that it is God working through me, not me working through me; so I always pray that it’s His words, His works, His power that occurs. I allowed this, but I also allowed a part of my mind to stay in tact…..to consume some of God’s time. This is my goal now, to not allow ‘me’ to sneak in during God’s time. More of the spirit, less of the flesh.
I pray this new month of ministry will bring more clarity and more strength, spiritually. I’ve been trying to control things too long…….time to trust my Father fully. This is a time to really walk fully into what God wants for me….it’s time to fully
allow Him to work through me. How much better he will be at doing things….I mean really, I am powerless. I like not having power too……to me it’s Freedom.
