Back in America, a new leg of my race is beginning. How long will it last…..not sure. For now I am here to face the unknown, to face the weird new things of this place. I’m sure the rest of my squad is going through many similar issues right now. New insecurities that never existed have arose; a feeling of odd desperation and exasperation; and an incredible fatigue have overtaken us. We are left to laugh when we hesitate to flush toilet paper; when we go into a huge grocery store and walk out with nothing (as it is over-stimulating); when we choke at paying $3 for just one item; and so much more.
We are in the places we left, places that haven’t changed too much. It almost feels like the past 11 months was a dream. I watched a House episode recently (an accomplishment as TV is oddly overwhelming). House was shot twice in the first two minutes and the rest of the show is him in recovery while working on cases. In the end the whole episode was a dream after he was shot; and the episode ends with him being rushed to the ER. All I can say is that I related to him and almost wished we could talk about it. Just me and House chatting about the surreal weirdness of not knowing if what happened really happened.
But seriously, it really feels so surreal right now. Did I just travel to 11 plus countries? Did I really live that? Did I meet countless numbers of people, hold many children, laugh and cry over unimaginable things? Yep….sure did. Now I am left to process it, to dig through the crazy things, the amazing things, and the entirety of it all. I am changed, I am different, I am almost like a new person. No one, around me, can really understand it and that’s okay. If there is one thing I have learned it is to show grace and to learn to laugh at myself. It’s almost exciting to think of what is next. What can I do now, what is God going to use me for? Many passions were revealed during this dream of a year, and I know that more are just waiting in the shadows.
I don’t think that I will truly understand everything about these past 11 months; and I know that it is going to be hard understanding, completely, what is next. But, it really doesn’t matter……so long as I am living in Him wherever I am at. As long as I am being silent long enough to hear……
