This is a blog about me….. shocker, I know.
I am not one to offer up information about me or reveal my feelings to easily. I guess I can be hard to read. I’m the one who holds onto things until I can’t anymore, then I burst and tell everyone. I’m the one who will slip random comments into a conversation like, “I found my blood father on Facebook when I was in Moldova,” and that’s it. I don’t make a big deal about things, I don’t easily ask for help, I don’t like a lot of attention. Which is why I was thrown for a loop a couple of weeks ago…
It was then that a new co-worker asked me if I had a boyfriend and I told him no. He then preceded to ask me why, and I said, “I don’t know, it’s not really by choice.” He looked at me and said, “You’re too independent and you don’t really want one. That’s why.” What?! I was dumbfounded, he knew me what…. all of 5 minutes. Needless to say, I was pretty upset and couldn’t stop thinking about it all day. Then I was upset and asking God, why I was so upset? Sure, I’m independent…. I’ve been supporting myself since age 18 (I’m age 26). I’ve always lived alone. If you want something done you have to do it yourself; something I also learned growing up. I don’t like being alone. Let’s just say, I was convicted.
It took me awhile….. it consumed my mind for a couple of weeks….. then BOOM!
I am doing something very wrong. If a stranger can look at me and tell me I’m independent, then everyone must see that. This isn’t good……
They shouldn’t be seeing my human independence,
but they should be seeing my Christ dependence.
It’s been in the past year that I have truly recognized the need to fully depend on God. To release all the weight off my shoulders, and entrust Him with my life. To entrust Him with my families lives as well.
Sure some people see how I rely on Him,
how my worries are few because of Him.
But shouldn’t everyone see it?
As Christians we must radiate everything God. People must see that we aren’t alone, but everything we do is because of him. I don’t want to intimidate people with my “independence” or take the credit for all my accomplishments. I don’t want people to believe that I am walking this life, right now, alone. God is my guide, the one who strengthens me, the one who helps me get through each day. I just hope I can start wearing that dependence a little better.
Just a reminder, I leave for Cambodia in five days and am need of more financial help. Please consider donating to my support account and helping me to continue to do the work God has called me to do.
“I can do everything through Christ who strengthens me.” Philippians 4:13
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;
In all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.” Proverbs 3:5-6
