Yesterday, my team and I led worship in a little church in Cambodia. I played my little purple ukulele (which I’ve only been practicing for a few months now). One of my other teammates, Salvador, played the drums even though he only sort of knows how. 4 out of 6 of our team members are not singers. The congregation didn’t speak any English at all and tried their best to stumble along in their own language. I kept losing tempo as I led because I’m not used to playing and singing at the same time.
In all, it was probably one of my worst performances. But I don’t know if I’ve ever been so proud of myself or my worship team, or if I’ve ever felt God’s presence so sweetly. We were asked to serve in leading worship and every one of our team members stepped up willingly, even the ones who know they have little talent in this area. It was a stretch for all of us. For some, music is not something they’re experienced in. For others, the songs were unfamiliar or even a different style from what they’re used to. For me, it was a personal stretch of stepping outside my perfectionism.
I’ve led worship and sung in front of people for most of my adult life. I’m good at it. I could even say that it’s easy for me. But to get up last minute, having to play an instrument, and knowing that my voice was still hoarse from allergies, was all very difficult for me. To be completely honest, I didn’t want to do it at all. I had a moment of selfish pride and all I could think about was that I didn’t want to look stupid.
Then one of my teammates, Makenzie, spoke up. She told me that even though she doesn’t have a great singing voice she is always willing to serve wherever she is asked to. In the US, no one would ever ask her to lead worship but in other countries sometimes the expectations are much simpler and no one cares how you actually sound. All that really matters is that you have a heart to bring glory to God and a willingness to serve.
I immediately felt ashamed. How many times have I talked about worship really having nothing to do with music? How many times has my prayer been for people to see all God and none of me? How often have I preached the message of putting aside our own pride to see God be worshiped in spirit and in truth? Yet when it came right down to it, all I could think of was that I might look ridiculous.
It was so easy for me to lose sight of what was most important. My whole life I have prayed to live in a way that would bring glory to God. Yet in one moment my slight discomfort seemed more important than leading the body of Christ in worship, no matter what that worship might look like. I thought that I was prepared to give up comfort to follow God’s call into ministry this year. I was prepared for hot days, limited bathing, weird food, sketchy toilets, and many other things but I had not prepared myself for the full extent of the stretching that God had in mind when He called me on this journey.
Thankfully, I had a wise teammate to remind me of what I already knew. Who cares if I looked silly. Who cares if my singing sounded terrible. Who cares if none of us really had any idea what we were doing. The only question I should be asking myself is, did God get the glory?
Thanks for reading! Don’t forget my next deadline is February 29th. I am still $1,300 short. Please keep me in prayer and help by partnering with me in this journey God has called me to. God bless!
