surrender+honesty+medicine

So…I feel like I’m back at place where I question and wonder…how can this be real? I can’t touch this God I claim to serve. I can’t see Him. I feel like I can’t hear Him. This is not a new place to be. I’ve walked out of a church service before and not gone back for a few years, turning my back on the God of my childhood, the one I had Sunday School answers about. I could do that now. Except I can’t. Thank God, I’m in a community that is not going to let that happen. And the God I’ve turned my back on and walked out on in the past, He’s not gonna have it anymore. He’s jealous. He’s pursuing. He’s lavishing out love on me through so many gifts, people, situations, stuffed animals, candy bars, conversations, open hearts, prescriptions, emails, scriptures, encouraging words. I’ve received all of this from the people He’s placed in my path. I love them. I want Him. I want to hear from Him, speak His words, receive things from Him. I want to live in the reality that He does move in daylight; He loves each person I’ve talked to and passed on the streets of Dublin. He desires them. He desires me. Longer than a few months, longer than my excitement lasts. Open heart, open mind, open ears. If there’s anything being held back, anything I haven’t put on the table…now’s the time.