It’s 11:30 at night. I’ve been lying in bed at the hostel
for over an hour and haven’t fallen asleep yet. Other than the 6:15 alarm that
will be going off for my morning run, I’m ok with still being awake. I’ve been
listening to my “O squad, near the end of the beginning� playlist. Mostly
worship music, with some K’naan (Wavin’ Flag song from last year’s World Cup)
and Shakira (This is Africa), it’s a compilation of my theme music from this
last year. Tonight there is peace in that.
Over the last two weeks, yes, we’ve still been doing
ministry. A lot of times it’s hard to keep my mind focused on what we’re doing,
who is in front of us. Sometimes in my head, I’m already at home, figuring out
how to be back in the US, what my next step will be, how I will find the time
to see everyone I want to. But then, there are times when the “ministry� right
in front of me is more than enough. And I realize – this lifestyle is how I want
to live my life.
Walking into the hospital of Hermano Pedro, where children suffering
from cerebral palsy actually find a home, I see a little girl staring up at the
ceiling and beaming from ear to ear. I remember past times working with special
needs children and again wonder, “In the same way a blind person has a
heightened sense of touch, do these children who are restricted physically have
a freer view of the spiritual reality around us?� For a few hours I get to sit
with these kids, offering a touch, a bottle of warm milk, or someone to laugh
at.
Another day at the same hospital, I see a woman, obviously
from the States, sitting across the room with a patient. This patient calls
this hospital home. Her body has restricted the care that her family can offer
her, and the chance to live at this hospital for free is a “blessing�. This
woman from the States is in Antigua to learn Spanish or to see the country, but
she chooses to spend her afternoons here with these Guatemalan women.
I want to
live a life that thinks about others first.
I want to see people in their suffering
and have the heart to sit with them.
I want to be ready in the middle of the
tragedy to be around to offer healing, whether that’s physically or
spiritually.
It’s hard to see this time come to a close, mostly because
of reality of physically moving away from the people who have called these last
11 months “life� with me. The amazing, gifted, ridiculous, compassionate people
of O squad have my heart. We have a time coming up, starting on Friday, to ‘debrief’
with each other and celebrate this year. And after that, on May 12th,
we will be arriving back in the States. This trip ends soon. This lifestyle
doesn’t.
Now we’re back to the
beginning. It’s just a feeling and no one knows yet. But just because they can’t
feel it too, doesn’t mean that you have to forget. Let your memories grow
stronger and stronger til they’re before your eyes. Regina Spektor, The Call.
