So, you’re in the last leg of your race…now what?
Hey y’all! My name is Leslie and I am an S-Squad 2013 World Race Alumni! My girl Allyson reached out and asked me be a guest blogger on her blog and I was so pumped! She’s coming to the end of her Gap year and I thought it would be good to give some insight I wish I had at the end of my race. So, here it is. Enjoy.
The last 2 months of my race were spent in Africa, and by then I was fighting hard to keep running, a lot of my days were spent dreading waking up to do ministry. I just wanted to be home where I could flush my toilet paper, drink from the faucet and take a hot shower without having to wait for my host mom to boil it. I felt guilty having these thoughts, but knew I needed to feel them and process them with my team. Which then led me to understand that I wasn’t alone in these feelings. 11 month of intense ministry and discipleship is exhausting and without healthy community, the enemy can play some mean mind games. A few months prior we were handed a booklet that walked you through what coming back to America may look like, the feelings you may feel, and how to set yourself up for success. But still, it was nothing like I expect. Here is what I wish I would have known back then:
1. Not having a plan is ok.
Don’t feel rushed into ‘What’s next’. People will inevitably ask you what your plans are, and it’s ok to not know. You don’t owe it to anyone to have it all figured out. Give yourself permission to just be, to not have to figure out a whole new identity back home yet. You’ve given out everything you have. You’re processing the grief of all the things you’ve seen: hungry families, girls used in child prostitution, child soldiers who don’t have a safe place to go, babies dying of preventable diseases and the injustice of it all. This grief will take a toll on you. Take this as a time of resting and recovery and don’t jump into anything new too quickly. And don’t feel bad if it takes time. You have permission to not have all the answers about what happened overseas or what you are doing next. You have permission to just be, without having to figure out what you will do, but rather being who you are, and that being enough.
2. Life WILL look different.
There will be times when you feel like the odd man out. You have just been through a 9 (or 11) month intense journey that many will not be able to comprehend. You’ll be able to drive your own car, go to the store alone (insert happy dance here), sleep in a real bed by yourself. You may even cry over all the options in the cereal aisle. After living on $5 a day for food, paying $10 for a burger may just send you into an emotional breakdown (the struggle is real). And just like you, your friends and family have grown too. One of the hardest parts for me was realizing that not only did I change, but so did my home community. People didn’t pause their lives while I was away. Most people won’t understand what you’ve been through. Reach out to other missionaries. Find online communities. Stay connected with your teammates. You’re not in this alone. Reentry doesn’t happen well alone, it happens with authentic community.
3. You can still keep growing in God, even at home.
I struggled with a lot of guilt when I got home with this one. It was so easy on the mission field to have quiet time. We literally had it scheduled into our day. It’s engrained into your very being. But home life got busy and I lost sight and started to doubt that I could grow any deeper with God. I had to be intentional with my time and make sure that I was making time for quiet time with the Lord. Jesus is the same whether you are sitting in your bedroom or sitting in a tent on the mountainside of Nepal. It’s ok if your quiet time looks different once you are back stateside, it’s the end goal that needs to remain the same, to get closer to God and allow Him to continually mold and shape you.
4. God is working on them, just like He is working on you.
When I was preparing to go home, I was fearful of stepping back into the broken environment that I left 11 months prior. What I found was that God was actually working in my friends and family while I was gone. Yes, you are leaving a community of people who love you and care for you and build you up in Christ, so I encourage you to surround yourself with people like this at home.
5. It will be hard sometimes, and that’s okay
It isn’t going to be easy. Over the past months you made some of your best friends. You get used to community and a way of life that you don’t see often. Your goodbyes will be tear filled, and there will be times that you miss this season. Just remember that just like there is pain in every transition, there is beauty as well. Re-entry isn’t for the fain of heart, but remember that you are equipped by the power of the Holy Spirit to walk in confidence and boldness into your next season, no matter what it is!
Allow yourself to grieve this season and rejoice over the good things that our Father has done in and through you. Know that He has a good plan for you, regardless of your physical location. Trust that His plans are for good and not harm. Believe that He is a good Father and He gives good gifts to His children. It’s ok to not have all the answers. You will never get this season back, embrace it for what it is.
