never did i EVER think that i would be writing a blog after i got home but the Lord put it on my heart to do so today hoping to encourage someone reading this.
WOW. what a change of pace. a complete 180.
people told me while i was on the race that coming home would be a challenge but i KNEW deep down in my heart that it was a challenge for most people but for me it wouldn’t feel any different and man oh man was i completely wrong!!
for the last 9 months of my life everything i did was devoted to the Lord. I would see someone on the side of the road as we were in the chicken bus in Guatemala & the Lord would so vividly tell me to pray for that person as we drove past them. I would literally thank Him for every small thing– a snickers bar, the bus we would ride in, the grass, the wind, the mountains, the food that we ate, oxygen, the $7 jar of peanut butter in Cambodia, and the opportunity to share the Gospel in a country that is over 90% Buddhist and only around 1% Christian.
i told myself that it would be an easy transition into America because i already had prayer, quiet time with the Lord, worship & all the things in my daily routine & i KNEW it would so easily carry into the next season of my life. i just knew it.
WELL, HEY, IT WASN’T THAT EASY. it wasn’t easy at all. like. at all.
and to be honest, i didn’t want to spend time with the Lord. not one second. WEIRD, RIGHT?!?!
the first couple weeks (i won’t lie) i didn’t pick up my Bible. i didn’t even look at it. i didn’t even think about it. say whaaattt??!! you’re probably asking yourself ‘how in the world did she go on mission trip around the world spreading the hope of Jesus for 9 months but the MINUTE she hits American soil she can’t touch her Bible?!?!’ yeah, i don’t know the answer to that question but i know you’re thinking it.
day after day i chose not to spend time with my Father because it was SOOOO much easier to do overseas. i chose not to spend time with Him because i haven’t gotten to see the healings or the salvations like i did overseas. i also didn’t have 40 people constantly surrounding me and lifting me up day in and day out lifting me towards my Father. i chose not to spend time with Him because i struggled BADLY with comparison. i wasn’t comparing myself to my squad, my team or the person next to me, i was comparing my current self to my world race self– the person who only sometimes failed to spend time with the Father, who was constantly in the Word, who was always worshipping.
i would set very high standards for my quiet time.
‘remember that one time in Guatemala when you had such a divine encounter with the Lord while you were sitting on your bed reading *insert book of the Bible here*??’ ‘remember in Ecuador when you heard the Lord speak to you so vividly? yeah now sit here and wait for Him to do it again & if you don’t hear Him, you’re doing something wrong. you have failed! you’re not close to Him anymore!’
but yall, i still went to church, i still worshipped, i still listened to what the pastor was saying, i still played the part but was only doing it because i ‘had’ to. i was kinda over it. the Lord didn’t love America me like he loved world race me. i convinved myself that the God in Guatemala is so much better than the God we serve in America. but can I let you in on a secret??? IT’S THE SAME GOD. HE CAN DO THE SAME MIRACLES IN AMERICA THAT HE CAN DO IN FOREIGN COUNTRIES!! COME ON SOMEBODY! — it just took me a minute to believe that.
UNTIL…
i found community. it’s so important to surround yourself with people with the same goals in mind. (heyyooo thursday night life group!! im talking about you!)
surrounding myself with a BUNCH of new and old friends changed the game. i am now encouraged every single thursday (and every other day of the week) by people my age who are desperate to be more like the Father, who want to know Him like a friend, who want to serve Him with every fiber of their being.
i can tell you that since i’ve been home the devil has really tried fighting with me– quite a bit actually, but it’s my choice to either let the devil win or to give God the glory and let Him pull me through this one.
i’ve actually been able to sit down, read my Bible, dissect it, ask questions and dig deep into it the last couple weeks. i’ve surrounded myself with the people i need to be surrounded with. i know what a community should look like (thanks Gap V for showing me authentic community, i miss you all so stinkin much) and i’ve fought to get that at home. i have a friend who constantly sends me Scriptures, who encourages me to live more like Jesus, who constantly encourages me to pursue Him more & to really dig into a passage of Scripture to see all that the Lord has for me in it.
WELL, im telling you all of that to say this. transition is hard even when you don’t expect it but when you cast all your cares & burdens to the Lord and He will sustain you.
guys, i could have never done this from my own strength. in the end i knew i needed more of the Father & i had to fight to get there. i’m not saying i’ve reached the end goal because i know there’s ALWAYS more to learn, but every day i’m learning more and more of our Father’s mercies, His grace (that i DON’T deserve), and the hope in Him and that His plans are for my good. He had me go through all of that for a reason– i’m not sure what that reason is but hopefully one day i’ll know why i went through all of that.
i’ll never ever be able to comprehend why the Lord gives us never ending grace, why He loves us so much, why He wants us to be with Him for eternity especially after the way i treated Him for weeks, but I do know that i need to keep pursuing Him, to be more like Him, to love like He loves, and to continue to fight for others.
the song/my new anthem is “God is so good” (here’s the link, 10/10 would recommend listening to it https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8ZEYTbZYFHE) no matter what situation i go through, i will let it grow me and i will declare that God is SOOOO good to me!!
GOD YOU’RE SO GOOD TO ME! YOU’RE SO GOOD TO THE PERSON READING THIS! YOU’RE SO GOOD EVEN WHEN WE DON’T BELIEVE IT! YOU’RE SO GOOD EVEN WHEN WE CAN’T SEE IT! YOU’RE SO GOOD IN THE VALLEYS AND ON THE MOUNTAIN TOPS! YOU’RE TOO GOOD TO LEAVE US WHERE WE ARE– YOU MEET US WHERE WE ARE AND TAKE US SO MUCH FARTHER THAN WE COULD HAVE EVER IMAGINED! THANK YOU GOD!
