This is so hard for me to admit and even harder to put it out here for the public to read. Honestly I feel the devil working on my insecurities of fear of rejection but Gods conviction on my heart is so much stronger. God is so good.
God has been convicting me about something since Accra, Ghana. I pushed the conviction away because I was comfortable in it. It’s my humor. Usually humor is a good thing but I wasn’t using humor to be just funny. I used it to get attention, for people to like me, and as a defense mechanism. I’ve identified myself with humor. There is usually the jock, the smart one, and there is always the funny one. That is how I identified myself. I was honestly good with that. I enjoyed the attention I got from being funny.
Since God convicted me of that I have been able to identify when I use my humor for attention and for people to like me and then I’m able to identify when I use my humor just to use it. I’ve been trying to stay away from my humor for a couple of days now and it hasn’t worked out too well. Then I came to a realization this morning and it’s going to be more of an endurance test. I’m honestly really good at recognizing when I need to work on something about myself. I’m used to overcoming something overnight, but not this time. I’m okay with that; I don’t like it, but I’ll do it. I know I will overcome it, but it’s not going to be a overnight change in myself.
I find myself going back to one scripture in the Bible for strength.
Philippians 4:13
I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.
I am going to Him for strength and pressing into Him. With God’s guidance, I know I can overcome this.
In Christ,
Allyson Miller
