While a lot of my posts have been a statement of all the amazing things the Lord has been teaching me throughout this journey, I wanted this one to be a story.
A story of the tangibility of God. How He’s not this lofty creature up above displaying us as puppets. But how He is an intricate and beautiful worker in our daily lives.
So to begin, There is a common question I am asked when people know of The Race and it is this: How is everything for the Race going?And If I am being honest that day, I tell how it’s hard, it’s emotionally trying at times, and it is a roller coaster that I never expected myself to ride. But, it is also amazing and God is the most gracious!
Lately though my answer has been a bit different. When asked, how is it going? I want to say, I’m weak, I’m not strong, I’m scared, I’m fearful! God is so wonderful, but I am still afraid- and I just don’t want to be!
I haven’t discussed this humanesc apprehension until now- as I’ve realized that it is OK to feel this way. We are humans and we are imperfect and sometimes that little bit of doubt and uneasiness creeps in especially as we take huge steps of faith. The unknown is darn scary and it’s hard to remember that we don’t have to be afraid. There’s God who we can trust will NEVER leave us or forsake us.
But, still that apprehension had set in my head and the other day I prayed, “God please, just give me a tangible gift from You saying that this is really where You have called me, that this is You. I feel so much fear.”
Something tangible, something unmistakable, not vague, not elusive. Something I can hold onto.
And God was like- Okie Dokes, gotcha.
There is a middle aged African American man who attends church with my parents. He is present at almost every event the church has, and is readily seen around town. Most people in Morgantown know him or at least know of him.
This man, let’s call him Dan, was homeless for many years, bouncing around from city to city. He has some difficulty with social situations and his apprehension comes through when you talk with him.
But he is kind, and he is friendly. And He loves the Lord.
No longer is Dan homeless, but has found a small apartment near downtown.
Dan comes often to the restaurant where I work and asks for a cup of ice cream and a soda. Many of the workers there are kind to him. I have known him for a few years now so I often sit down and talk with him as he eats. He meets many people around town and I am always so humbled that he remembers me at all.
I sat with him the other day as he asked me what my plans were now that I had graduated. So, I told him about The World Race. He seemed interested and talked of how he thought missions were great and asked me to bring in something about my mission that he could read. I talked with him some more, just saying a bit about what we would be doing and how excited I was to go- and left it at that.
I went back to work and continued through my shift. Later that night, I was clearing tables and thinking rather intensely about what I had asked of God earlier.
I couldn’t shake this doubt I felt.
I couldn’t shake my fear.
I looked up to see Dan leaving the restaurant, so I caught his arm to say goodbye.
A little startled, he stopped and turned towards me with bags in his hands. I told him I hope he had a goodnight. He nodded his head in response. Then, he looked me straight in the eyes, something he doesn’t normally do, and said
“You know, don’t be scared of going on this mission, I know it can be a little scary sometimes, but even if it’s just you, don’t be afraid. Don’t be afraid.”
I stared at him for a second, blind-sided by his words.
How did he know I was scared? How did he know that two seconds before I was thinking of the Race and how fearful I was of leaving and raising support?
My eyes filled with tears and I thanked him. He seemed a little uncomfortable and apologized, but I reassured him he had said exactly what I needed to hear. He turned and walked out the door, but I was left standing in this awe.
Sometimes God is unmistakable. And so many times do I ask Him for something tangible. So many times do I feel uneasy about His role in my life. But, then the time comes when He shows himself to me, answers my prayers, and simply says, “Allyson, my sweet child, I am here and you do not have to be afraid. I’m right there, here, everywhere.”
That day, He did that through Dan’s reassurance. He said the words I needed to hear the most. The words I was afraid to ask for- the words only God knew I wanted to hear.
That day, I saw the truth He wanted me to see. And That truth set me free of fear.
God can be so tangible.
And sometimes it leaves me speechless.
And sometimes, like that day, it left me reassured.
Bye Fear.
Hey there God.
