Training Camp was a plethora of crazy emotions. There was excitement, nervousness, joy, breakthrough from fear, and anticipation because I had no idea what was going to happen next. I joke and say it was like my whole year at ministry school, smushed into 2 weeks. The idea that God not only wants to grow me, push me, and tear down my walls but also wants to have fun with me and laugh with me; was rebirthed in my life during these 10 days.
With that being said, one of the biggest struggles in my life is looking at God as a father that loves me but isn’t present. He wants to be there for me yet love me from afar and that can’t be further from the truth. God wants to be apart of every part of my life. He is there in the silly moments, he is there to just sit with me, he is there to play games with me, and he is there to teach me. He loves me well in the exact way I need to be loved, and he also knows exactly what I need. He doesn’t just desire for me to check in with him and let him know I am doing okay and thank him for the things I see him do. He is a good father. I could argue that I new that before coming into training camp but there is a much deeper aspect that God showed me at training camp that I have never experienced before. In fact, my biggest pray was answered by realizing how much I am actually worth to God and how much he love me.
For most of my adult life I have searched for a place that is home. I am not saying at all that I have been lost, wondering, searching in a dark place for 5 year. I have gone through many different seasons with God and have grown closer and have learned more about him and myself every day. Has there been hard seasons: yes. Has there been great seasons: yes. But I think beyond all of the many seasons, there has been apart of me that desires a long lasting feeling of “this is my home.” Not only for a season but long lasting. I thought if only I could feel home here then this is where God want me to be.
In the craziness of camp, through emotional breakdowns, embracing bucket showers, leaky tents, insect bites, and ALL the smells,
I F E L T H O M E.
I felt home with my people, my squad, my team. These people love harder than most and I am so honored to call them family. It is so beautiful how God hand picked every single one of us to be apart of this squad. My team: (I will be writing another blog about them here shortly) We landed on the team name Querencia which is a Spanish word meaning a place where you feel the most at home, where you draw strength, and can be your most authentic self. How fitting, right?
But most of all, I felt an overwhelming peace of being home with my Jesus. That where ever he is and where he calls me to be, thats where I will find my home. I thought of myself as the protocol son who ran away and was so far away from his dad. I pushed God away and formed a wall because I was scared that he didn’t want to be present. He has so much going on and there wasn’t time for me. I didn’t even realize that I did this to him and felt embarrassed but one thing you can take away from training camp is that there is no shame. As I ran back to him he ran to me. He always runs to me because he loves me. He embraced me and said “Welcome Home”.
Training Camp was a plethora of crazy emotions. There was excitement, nervousness, joy, breakthrough from fear, and anticipation because I had no idea what was going to happen next. I joke and say it was like my whole year at ministry school, smushed into 2 weeks. The idea that God not only wants to grow me, push me, and tear down my walls but also wants to have fun with me and laugh with me; was rebirthed in my life during these 10 days.
With that being said, one of the biggest struggles in my life is looking at God as a father that loves me but isn’t present. He wants to be there for me yet love me from afar and that can’t be further from the truth. God wants to be apart of every part of my life. He is there in the silly moments, he is there to just sit with me, he is there to play games with me, and he is there to teach me. He loves me well in the exact way I need to be loved, and he also knows exactly what I need. He doesn’t just desire for me to check in with him and let him know I am doing okay and thank him for the things I see him do. He is a good father. I could argue that I new that before coming into training camp but there is a much deeper aspect that God showed me at training camp that I have never experienced before. In fact, my biggest pray was answered by realizing how much I am actually worth to God and how much he love me.
For most of my adult life I have searched for a place that is home. I am not saying at all that I have been lost, wondering, searching in a dark place for 5 year. I have gone through many different seasons with God and have grown closer and have learned more about him and myself every day. Has there been hard seasons: yes. Has there been great seasons: yes. But I think beyond all of the many seasons, there has been apart of me that desires a long lasting feeling of “this is my home.” Not only for a season but long lasting. I thought if only I could feel home here then this is where God want me to be.
In the craziness of camp, through emotional breakdowns, embracing bucket showers, leaky tents, insect bites, and ALL the smells,
I F E L T H O M E.
I felt home with my people, my squad, my team. These people love harder than most and I am so honored to call them family. It is so beautiful how God hand picked every single one of us to be apart of this squad. My team: (I will be writing another blog about them here shortly) We landed on the team name Querencia which is a Spanish word meaning a place where you feel the most at home, where you draw strength, and can be your most authentic self. How fitting, right?
But most of all, I felt an overwhelming peace of being home with my Jesus. That where ever he is and where he calls me to be, thats where I will find my home. I thought of myself as the protocol son who ran away and was so far away from his dad. I pushed God away and formed a wall because I was scared that he didn’t want to be present. He has so much going on and there wasn’t time for me. I didn’t even realize that I did this to him and felt embarrassed but one thing you can take away from training camp is that there is no shame. As I ran back to him he ran to me. He always runs to me because he loves me. He embraced me and said “Welcome Home”.
