Messiness of the soul.
That place inside your mind that isn’t the most beautiful of places. The place where your thoughts, doubts, worries, and dearest wishes run wild. The place where your brain knows the logical answer but your heart disagrees. It’s that place that tries to pick up the things you’ve tried to let go of. It’s the place that even if everything looks great on the outside, knows that it isn’t so.
You know the place I’m talking about.
Sometimes that messy doesn’t exist. Things are going well and you can’t imagine how it could get better. The things that bothered you have been replaced with peace. You know God is near and his voice is clear.
Other times though, uncertainty is strong. Even if everything around you is great, you are struggling to feel ok. God seems distant and your only wish is to hear his voice and sit in his presence.
Here’s the thing about messiness of the soul: God sees it too.
He wants you to bring all those cares and struggles to Him. Allow the tension inside to draw you to the throne. It’s a beautiful picture to have a child of God lay things down before their father again and again and again. To constantly commit their way, thoughts, feelings, and dreams back into the hand of the father. He’ll catch the tears from your ugly cry. He wants to whisper reassurances in your ear until you believe every drop of truth in them.
These last few weeks I have been experiencing the messiness of the soul. Being in Europe reminds me of home, but it isn’t home. Often, I feel more like a foreigner here than I did in Asia. I’ve been placing things in God’s hands to pick them back up and lay them down again. I’ve been wanting to know exactly what I’ll be doing after the race preferably with a time table.
And in the mess, God showed how I had made it all about me. *I* was struggling. Why did *I* feel this way? *I* wanted not to feel like a foreigner. *I* was not hearing from God (more like *I* wasn’t taking time to listen). *I* couldn’t stand the noise and music everywhere I turned.
I think you get the point.
Once I sought after God and started to praise him for his goodness, things got better. He helped me adjust to the culture shock of a new continent. He brought opportunities that I was trying to make happen before. *I* couldn’t do it all, but God was able to. Relinquishing the focus to Him made all the difference this month.
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UPDATE: My team has felt the Lord is calling us to Kosovo to start off this month of Ask the Lord ministry. We aren’t sure exactly what this month will look like, but we head off on Monday once debrief wraps up. We are very excited to see what God will do as we seek Him each day for what he would have us to do. Thank you for your prayers!
