I can’t believe I’m writing this right now, but my mind is racing so I’m using this blog to help me process.
Month 8. Thailand. Our final month in Asia. March.
3 months into this corona nonsense.
When I was first made aware of the virus, spreading rapidly in Wuhan, disrupting an entire city, causing chaos in China, I distanced myself from its reality.
That’s happening “over there”.
The physical distance between myself and the epicenter of the outbreak also caused an emotional and mental distancing as well.
Until now.
Now, it’s more real than ever.
My squad and I were informed last night that our parent-vision trip has been cancelled.
In less than two weeks, I was supposed to see my momma in Ecuador.
But now, because of this STUPID virus, fear, and the enemy’s schemes, I no longer get to hug her so soon.
I’m not going to lie. It sucks. I’m upset. I’m angry. I’m confused.
It seems like the Lord is abandoning some things He’s promised me. I feel like He’s disappointing me. Things aren’t going like I thought He planned them to. Why, Lord? Where are you?
Does anybody else feel like this right now? I know I’m not alone.
While I’m sitting here wiping my tears with toilet paper, I’m scrambling for hope.
Jesus, I need You.
Truth always finds me. The Lord is near.
The song currently playing in my ears:
Seek and you will find
Joy still comes in the morning
Hope still walks with the hurting
If you’re still alive and breathing
Praise the Lord
Don’t stop dancing and dreaming
There’s still good news worth repeating
So lift your head and keep singing
Praise the Lord
Several times already this morning, I’ve been reminded of 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18:
Rejoice always
Pray constantly
Give thanks in everything
For this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus
I don’t have to understand everything. I actually never will understand everything until I walk through Heaven’s gates. But the Lord promises He will walk with me, hand in hand, through this life. Because He knows it’s not easy, and He cares for me. He loves me. And He will never leave or forsake me. No matter what.
So for that, I have Him to praise. To thank for His unwavering goodness. Even when I can’t feel it. Because He is unchanging. So if He was faithful yesterday, He is still faithful today! And He’ll be faithful tomorrow.
Sweet truth.
When I’m hurting, I can always count on Him. He’s the hope that keeps me going. I truly don’t know how I’d hang on if I wasn’t standing on the Rock of my salvation. Jesus.
I can count on Him to sit with me when I’m hurting, but also to wipe my tears (with toilet paper) and take me by the hand to lead me out of this place. Because He’ll meet me here, but He won’t leave me here.
Toilet paper. While people are driving themselves nuts, frantically hoarding this hot commodity in order to bring them some sort of peace of mind, I’m sitting here on the other side of the world in an abundance of the luxury.
Something so small can trigger a great sense of fear to some, but to others like myself, it can bring a sense of comfort.
Americans at home are thinking, “what happens if I run out of toilet paper?! Better to stockpile than to tragically use the last of my supply and have none left”.
Let me first remind you all of Luke 12.
The Parable of the Rich Fool
A rich man’s land was very productive. He thought to himself, ‘What should I do, since I don’t have anywhere to store my crops? I will do this,’ he said. ‘I’ll tear down my barns and build bigger ones and store all my grain and my goods there. Then I’ll say to myself, “You have many goods stored up for many years. Take it easy; eat, drink, and enjoy yourself”’
But God said to him, ‘You fool! This very night your life is demanded of you. And the things you have prepared – whose will they be?’
“That’s how it is with the one who stores up treasure for himself and is not rich toward God.”
The Cure for Anxiety
Then he said to his disciples:
“Therefore I tell you, don’t worry about your life, what you will eat; or about the body, what you will wear. For life is more than food and the body more than clothing.
Consider the ravens: They don’t sow or reap; they don’t have a storeroom or a barn; yet God feeds them. Aren’t you worth much more than the birds? Can any of you add one moment to his life span by worrying? If then you’re not able to do even a little thing, why worry about the rest?
“Consider how the wildflowers grow: They don’t labor or spin thread. Yet I tell you, not even Solomon in all his splendor was adorned like one of these. If that’s how God clothes the grass, which is in the field today and is thrown into the furnace tomorrow, how much more will he do for you – you of little faith? Don’t strive for what you should eat and what you should drink, and don’t be anxious. For the Gentile world eagerly seeks all these things, and your Father knows that you need them.
“But seek his kingdom, and these things will be provided for you. Don’t be afraid, little flock, because your Father delights to give you the kingdom. Sell your possessions and give to the poor. Make money-bags for yourselves that won’t grow old, an inexhaustible treasure in heaven, where no thief comes near and no moth destroys. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.”
(verses 13-34)
He will provide for our every need if we trust in Him. There is no need to live in fear, for He cares for us. No need to hoard. No need to worry. His promises reign true, even in times like this, when it seems like the world is falling apart. He is our rock. He is constant. He is faithful. He will walk us through this.
He will use the toilet paper that is causing anxiety to many, to wipe my tears. He is sitting in bed with me today, holding my fragile heart. Because He’s a good Father, and that’s what He does. I will be okay. Because I am His.
If you need Him today (I know you do), just call on His name. He will invade your space before you can finish your plea.
Be comforted, friends.
“I have told you these things so that in me you may have peace. You will have suffering in this world. Be courageous! I have conquered the world.”
Thank you, Jesus.
xoxo,
Allison
P.S. Please please please be praying for my squad as we await confirmation on our upcoming travel plans to South America. Also, pray for our broken hearts as we process the sad news of PVT cancellation. We appreciate you all.
