Have you ever felt like you are being asked to do the impossible? That the task is just too big to be done or you are just not good enough or equipped enough to be able to do it. That is what the world race seems like to me. Impossible. I feel unequipped and not good enough to embark on such a journey. I feel as though the Lord made a mistake and asked the wrong Allison Bodle. I feel as though at any moment he is going to say never mind you were the wrong person for the job. I think if people really knew me they would think I am not the woman for the job. If people knew my sin habits, or the fact that quiet times don’t happen every day for me, I listen to secular music way too much, I am lazy and haven’t been to the gym in two weeks, a Netflix addict, a person not yet ready to give up her family and friends for a year, and the list goes on and on of how inadequate I am for this calling that the Lord has given me. This has been my thought process for the past couple of months of preparing for training camp next week. This all just seems impossible and I have been holding my breath waiting to be told I failed, which has led me to sometimes not even trying to prepare my heart for camp because in my mind I have already failed. Pretty exciting stuff right?
This past week I have been thinking about what Pastor Mark said in church about how we have lost our awe and reverence for God. We have forgotten how big, powerful, and mighty he is. My gaze has been so focused on myself and my possible failures, inadequacies, and selfishness that I haven’t really been looking to God. I haven’t been trusting him to carry these burdens and worries for me. I haven’t been praying for mountains to be moved. I have been doubting what he is capable of because I have put him in my own little personal box that is way to small. I have realized that I have let my head voice rule my heart and so every time one of those negative or doubtful thoughts pop up I just quit. I have been more concerned with what the world and satan tells me rather than what my own Abba tells me, which is before he created the world he chose me, he loved me, he adopted me in advance knowing where I would fall short and it pleased him to do so (Eph. 1:4-5). So if I believe that “All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness, that the man of God may be competent, equipped for every good work,” (2 Tim. 3:16-17) then why am I having such a problem believing all the Lord calls me and the fact that he has called me to the world race? It is because this whole time I have thought it all relies on my ability rather than the Lord’s.
So this week, I am thankful for a loving and powerful God who reminds of how he sees me and that he wants to use a broken hot mess express on her best day to go and share his love with people because it isn’t about me or what I can do, but about him, and because it is about God and what he can do I can now do the impossible. I can move mountains.
Prayers:
*11:11 every morning is the time that I have set on my watch to pray for this world race adventure, I invite you to join me in prayer!
-Pray that I can look more to the Lord rather than these negative thoughts
-Pray for training camp next week for safe travels, my squad, relationship to be built, walls to be broken down, and the dang fitness test
-Pray that my heart yearns to know more scripture and that I crave it every day
-Pray for my heart and those that I will get to encounter while on the world race
