I have been struggling to gather my Training Camp thoughts and turn them into a cohesive blog post – there was so much that went on and so many things that God showed me that it's just seemed impossible to summarize.
But I think the main thing God pointed out to me was my severe lack of trust in Him.
The whole time leading up to my decision to do the WR, I was reading blogs of current racers. I would always get sucked into Ruth Wilson's blogs (as I know a lot of you do as well), and I was just amazed by her strength and bravery which come from her audacious faith and trust in the Lord. I remember being shocked when I read that she was on an all-girl team. "They DO that?! They send teams of all women into dangerous places to do ministry with no male presence? That is NOT safe!" I slightly freaked out, and vowed not to go on the race if I were assigned to an all-girl team (mistake #1).
So when it came down to team assignment time at camp, I didn't even worry that I wouldn't have a man on my team. i had communicated to our trainers that I would not be at all comfortable with an all-girl team (mistake #2). We had enough guys on our squad to go around, so I figured it was all good. Then, as my team was called, I heard my name along with the names of 6 other ladies.
Ummm, what, God? No way.
I tried to hide my internal panic and dismay, but I'm not sure I did the best job. It wasn't until during our team outing that I heard God loud and clear, screaming at me:
You are not an all-girl team. I AM WITH YOU!
I now know that this situation is God trying to teach me that NOTHING is reliable except for Him. Safety is not found in the presence of any human, male or female. For all of my life, I have relied on something other than God. Be it family, anxiety medication, familiar environments, whatever. He desperately wants me to lean on Him and Him alone, to show me that He has so much waiting for me if I will just stop walking in fear. Now of course that doesn't mean to toss all common sense out the window. But I just keep hearing him say, "TRUST ME. I created this world. I created you. I died for you. I have a plan for you. Nothing can happen to you that I don't allow. I love you."
OK God, I'm slowly getting it. And I know I will get it a lot more over this next year.
I remember on one of the first nights of Training Camp, during worship, I was crying and praying specifically over my fears about this trip. One of the AIM staff called me over when I raised up my head, and said she felt like God had given her a word for me. He said to cast my fears aside, because He had equipped me for this journey. And that He would be with me every step of the way, so there was no reason to be afraid.
He's with me. I believe it. And I will walk in that.
Isaiah 41:10 – Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
