Whew. Malaysia was hot. And we have now arrived to equal or greater heat in Cambodia. But that's OK because it's month 11, and I'm ready to make the most of it. But before I dive into it, I want to fill ya'll in on Malaysia.
We got new teams on Easter Sunday to finish out our final 2 months of the race, so this was our first month spent together. We are Team Kaleidoscope – that's because we like to think we reflect the light of Christ all over the place! Trav is our fearless team leader, and then we've got Charlie, Lauren, Lydia, Neysa, and me. We may be the chillest/goofiest team ever put together, and I'm so glad I'm getting to finish out the race with this crew.
Neysa, Travis, me, Lauren, Lydia, and Charlie bowling!
We lived in the little town of Changlun, which is right on the border with Thailand. Our contacts Thomas and Sharmila, along with their 3 children Zach, Misha, and Felisha, were amazing. Thomas was born in Malaysia, but his parents are from Chennai, India, which remains one of my favorite stops on the race! I quickly came to find that Malaysia is a serious melting pot – there are of course the Malay people, Indians, Chinese, Arabs, Africans, etc., all of which were represented in the kindergarten we worked at for the month. The kids could definitely get wild at times, but that didn't make them any less lovable. They were absolutely adorable and I loved my time with Teacher Ina in the 5 year old class.
Me with Teacher Ina and some of our kiddos in the 5 year old class
Precious Vkashni, Aliyah, and Lucas
In Malaysia, it is illegal to share the gospel with Muslims, and it is also illegal for Muslims to convert to Christianity, unless jail is on the list of places you'd like to visit. Therefore it wasn't a month of directly sharing Christ, but simply building relationships with the people in the community, demonstrating our (and Christ's) enduring love for them despite our different viewpoints. I'm not sure if it was because of the spiritually oppressive nature of the country, but it was not the best month for me and Jesus. I didn't spend as much time with Him as I wanted to, and my focus was off. Which is why the following event surprised me…
On our last day in Changlun, Thomas asked if he could pray for each of us individually, so we took turns talking with him and his wife Sharmila. I told him about my feelings of inadequacy and my concerns that I have trouble getting to know people beyond the surface level, which often makes me feel alone. These false perceptions are things I have struggled with as part of my anxiety for most of my life. They almost completely disappeared while I was on anxiety medication, but since I have been off of it, those thoughts and lies from the enemy have slowly been creeping back in. I also had a previous conversation with Thomas about the gift of tongues, and explained to him that I had prayed for it occasionally in the past but had never received it.
Our contacts Sharmila and Thomas at a Thai festival (hence the face paint) at the university 🙂
As he and his wife began to pray, a wave of emotion rushed over me, and I couldn't hold back my tears. The word that he heard from the Lord for me was that I was never alone – that he could see a picture of God embracing me as His daughter and just holding me tightly. That I was like Gideon – although I doubt myself, God is going to use me to make a huge impact on many people. As he continued and prayed for me to receive the gift of tongues, I could feel something rising up inside of me, but I was afraid to let it come out of my mouth – for fear that I was making it up myself, or that I would sound crazy. Shoot, I don't think I even knew much about tongues before the race. I was raised Southern Baptist, so all of this was a little out there for me (and probably for a lot of you reading this).
When we were in Moldova our third month, our pastor there told me that tongues are a gift that God wants to give to all of His children. All we have to do is ask, and it's ours. And so I asked, but it didn't happen during that month, and I didn't understand why. That doubt carried over to this time of prayer in Malaysia, and I also told myself that it wasn't something God would give me – because I hadn't been spending enough time seeking Him, and tongues isn't something I hadn't passionately prayed for consistently. I felt like I didn't deserve it. I wasn't worthy of it. I put up all kinds of road blocks in my mind.
Regardless, Thomas could hear me sort of whispering something, and he told me to speak it out. As much as I wanted to, I just couldn't make myself do it, so he and his wife began praying aloud in tongues so that I could join in and not be the lone voice. Words that were not my own began spilling out of my mouth at a rapid pace. It was crazy! It definitely increased my faith, because I don't feel like I had ever had a tangible Holy Spirit moment before that. And to have the actual words of the Holy Spirit pouring out of me, with no input from me, was quite a huge deal. Of course, I still wonder at times whether it's really me or God, but that is just Satan trying to get in my head, and I'm trying not to let him.
The whole thing just showed me that God has no qualifications for bestowing His gifts and His love upon His children. You don't have to meet a quota of time spent with Him per week. You don't have to pray for something every day for 10 years to receive it. A little doubt in the back of your mind isn't unforgivable in His sight. His love does not hinge upon anything that we do – He freely loves and freely gives.
That day, I felt like I paid a little visit to the spiritual realm. It's a place that I know exists, but it's so far removed from my consciousness most of the time. Just having that experience took me to a whole different level with God, and gave me a new awareness of the battle against the powers of the world and the spiritual forces of evil (Ephesians 6:12) that is constantly raging while we go about our daily lives. So much so that when we don't know what to pray, the Holy Spirit interceds for us (Romans 8:26). Not only did it give me a new awareness – it also gave me a new understanding of His relentless love for us. He loves us so much that we don't need to do anything – He fights on our behalf – we need only to be still (Exodus 14:14).
"No, this is what was spoken by the prophet Joel: 'In the last days, God says, I will pour out my Spirit on all people. Your sons and daughters will prophesy, your young men will see visions, your old men will dream dreams. Even on my servants, both men and women, I will pour out my Spirit in those days, and they will prophesy. I will show wonders in the heaven above and signs on the earth below, blood and fire and billows of smoke. The sun will be turned to darkness and the moon to blood before the coming of the great and glorious day of the Lord. And everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved.'" -Acts 2:16-21
