.:.Yep… That just happened.:.

Honestly, I have no idea why I am trying to write a blog right now.

I don’t know how to say what I’m feeling.

These few words do very little to describe the extremity of the emotions currently pulsing through me.

Elated.

Ecstatic.

Devastated.

Worried.

Anxious.

Excited.

But most of all,

Free. 

Yep.

That just happened.

I laid in bed all last night, tossing and turning, knowing God had something to say to me. When I finally allowed myself to listen, it was something I didn’t want to hear. 

Over the past couple days, the lies have been creeping back in, telling me, BEGGING me to not go through with it. I started to convince myself that I didn’t really need to do it.

As soon as I get to Africa I’ll do it.

I need to wait until I get the money anyway.

But I really like my hair. 

I don’t really have to do this, do I?

I can give You everything without giving up my hair, God.

All three teams gathered this afternoon to support me and pray for me as I went through with it. We spent some time in worship and every song that played spoke right to my soul. All the lies seemed to evaporate as I leaned against the wall and just weeped. 

I mourned the loss of my hair. 

I let myself feel the pain of losing it rather than pretending I was strong. 

Everyone gathered around me to pray over me and then I sat down on the stool. Someone asked me if I were ready, and with no hesitation, I jumped off that cliff.

The first snip was made, and all of a sudden, all the fear was gone. 

With every snip of the scissors and every buzz of the razor across my scalp, I felt more and more of my humanness, my flesh, falling away. 

As we neared the end, we put on the song “Happy Day” and danced and sang together.

And I was filled with joy. 

And sorrow. 

And so much freedom.

 When I looked in the mirror for the first time, I didn’t know how to feel. 

Three hours later, I still don’t know how to feel.

But I know that just like Repunzel, 

I am finally free. 

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