I spent some time reading through my journals from the race tonight.
What an amazing, incredibly hard year.
It’s a little crazy to think back at how big and scary things seemed.
Or to read how much my perspective changed as I turned each page.
I decided to flip to todays date,
exactly one year ago from today.
I was in Thailand.
The “Land of Smiles”
The land that to this day, still has my heart.
I read about the beauty and love and heartbreak and tragedy I found there.
Here are two snippets of my heart from that time.
I wasn’t ready to share these stories then,
but now, exactly a year later,
I’ve decided that it’s at least worth a try.
These words are straight from my journal,
because I figured it would paint a better picture of my time there.
March 19, 2012
“We went on a prayer walk this afternoon on Bangla and even in the daylight,
I could tell this was the darkest place I’ve ever been.
I was on the verge of tears the entire time.
I was touching every stool, every bar table I could find and all I could say
was ‘Jesus…. Jesus’ over and over.
I don’t have words for this place.
I don’t have words for what my heart feels.
But, despite the inescapable darkness on Bangla Road,
I have never EVER felt the Lord as strongly as I did there.
Of course.
It only makes sense that after a month of searching,
I would find him with the prostitutes.
It only makes sense that I would find him in this broken city.
There is so much sin, so much evil.
It’s undeniable.
But there is also hope.
There is life being found…”
March 22, 2012
“Today, met a girl named Boom.
Boom is 18 years old.
She looks like she’s 15.
She’s been working in the bars for a week.
Today, I laughed with a girl named Boom.
Boom barely speaks english.
She kicked my butt in connect 4, but then she let me win one.
Today, I watched a girl be sold in front of me.
A girl named Boom.
A girl who has a family.
Who has hopes and dreams and passions.
A girl who is innocent enough to think she’s “just making money”.
Today, my heart was shattered.
My entire perspective on life shifted.
My whole world came to a halting stop as I watched Boom,
lovely, sweet Boom walk away from our half finished game of connect 4
to be sold to a customer for the night.
Jesus.
Jesus, I know you are here… I know you are.
But I just can’t wrap my mind around how screwed up this is.
I don’t understand how this is okay to so many people…
I place her in your hands.
That’s the only place I know she’s safe.”
….
Exactly one year ago, my life changed forever.
Exactly one year ago, I saw things and experienced things that shattered me.
They broke my heart and stomped on my compassion.
The things I saw broke me.
But God is in the business of rebuilding.
And that’s what I’m believing for Phuket.
I’m believing that the entire nation of Thailand can be transformed to the point that it is unrecognizable.
I believe in restoration.
I’ve seen it first hand.
I believe my Jesus is bigger than human trafficking.
I believe He’s bigger than Bangla Road.
He’s so much bigger than all of this.
Even though it’s been a year, and I have no idea if I’ll ever see any of those girls again,
There is hope.
My heart is still broken for them.
But there’s hope.
There is always hope.
