.:.My Pants Are Falling Down.:.

I must make the dreaded walk alone. 

To the Cafeteria. 

All the way across the courtyard. 

My team is waiting for me in there and yet, I cannot work up the courage to put one foot in front of the other. I know the moment I step out those doors, all the guys gathered to watch the parade of too-skinny girls emerging from the dorms are going to start yelling things at me in Albanian. They are going to tell me I’m beautiful over and over in the most uncomfortable, awkward way. 

I step out. 

And…. 

Nothing. 

No one even looks at me. 

Oh, that’s right. 

I forgot that I am invisible in this country. 

I’m not skinny. I’m not thin. I’m not even average. I am larger than all the girls on my team and I’m larger every girl in Albania combined. In other words, the men here only talk to the skinny ones… And that’s not me. 

For as long as I can remember, I have been overweight, and this has been an immense struggle for me my entire life. I struggle a lot with seeing myself as beautiful. I know that I am supposed to feel beautiful because God made me that way, He never makes mistake, blah blah blah. 

Before the race, not one person ever told me I was beautiful. 

Their silence was enough for me. 

If no one told me I was beautiful, then I must be the opposite of beautiful. 

They told that person they’re beautiful. I don’t look anything like them. 

I must be repulsive…

Because I’m not beautiful or skinny, I can’t be used effectively this year. 

God can’t really think I’m beautiful because He made me and I can’t help thinking that He’s a little biased, right? 

Lies. 

These are all lies. 

There is a reason that the belt of truth is the first piece of the Armor of God. 

 And lately, my pants have been falling down because the belt of truth has not been fastened around me at all. 

The truth is… 

And as a “Words of Affirmation” person, I need to hear these truths spoken over me daily.
It’s a good thing I have a God who whispers this and more to me every moment of every day. 

So, I am pulling my pants back up and strapping my belt on tight. 

I encourage you to do the same.