It’s like your stuck in some kind of time warp,
where the days drag on and yet fly by at the very same time.
Some days I can’t wait to be at home.
Some days I can’t even consider not living with my teammates.
It’s just… weird.
We go through every day doing ministry and then going home,
not really thinking about the fact that we won’t be doing this next month.
That doesn’t even make sense to me right now.
You mean, I’m not going to be sleeping on the floor like I have for the past two months?
I’m not going to be eating ramen like it’s my job?
I’m not going to buy something based on how heavy it is, or how easily it’ll fit in my pack?
I’m not going to be getting into random cars/trucks/motos/cans with strangers?
I’m not going to be border hopping every couple weeks?
I am not going to be a World Racer anymore?
Crazy.
I feel like I just flip-flop between extreme emotions so often, that I have kind of shut them off.
As excited as I am about being able to sleep in a bed
or take a real shower for once,
or drive a car for the first time in a year (!!!),
or be completely, gloriously, blissfully ALONE for the first time in a year,
Or as UN-excited as I am to not be living in intense community,
or have people around me who understand exactly what I’ve been through this year,
or no longer traveling every three weeks,
I can’t seem to make myself care.
I can’t seem to make myself care much about anything these days.
It’s not that I’ve “checked out” as we call it,
I just… don’t know what to feel.
So I don’t feel.
And maybe that isn’t the best thing,
but it’s the only thing keeping me from collapsing on the floor and weeping/laughing hysterically.
I think you can see how that would cause problems as we are trying to teach english.
I’m pretty sure you can count this as a glimpse of the crazy,
mental-hospital-worthy human being that is coming back to you….
Get excited..?
