.:.Cliche, but true.:.

I’ve been laying on my sleeping pad on the cement floor of our room for hours. I can’t seem to make myself move, despite the uncomfortable heat of the afternoon. The intense guitar rifts play loudly in my ears, blocking out every other sound, lyrics drifting lazily through my headphones.

I stopped the song and played those lyrics over and over in my head. I started the song again and listened to them as my spirit cried out, in sync with the song. 

I want to be closer to You, Jesus.

That is all I want. 

That’s all I care about. 

I just want You.  

I never understood how someone could be completely satisfied with only Jesus. I never understood how He could be everything. I sang the lyrics to all those worship songs, I begged God to come and satisfy me, but I never got it.

This month has been a month of lessons. Over and over again I find myself learning things that will allow me to become the woman that God has always intended me to be. 

I learned a lot about desires this month. God asked me to search my heart to discover what the deepest desires of my heart really are. Honestly, I was afraid of what I would find. I was afraid I would find something that was unattainable, or something that God didn’t desire for me. 

That’s when I realized that God cares about what I think. He cares about the things I care about. He wants to give me the things I desire, even if they are things He doesn’t desire for me because He deeply loves me. 

So as I searched my heart more, I discovered something I wasn’t entirely expecting.

I only want Him.

Everything else I could ever desire is meaningless without Him.

He is my one desire. 

I know that sounds like a cliche, sunday school answer, but I promise you it’s not.

I’ve never desired God above things before. 

I’ll come right out and admit that. 

There were always things I wanted more than Him.

Food. Water. Shelter. To get married. To be someone who inspires. To snuggle all the babies in Africa. 

But something has been shifting in my heart this month. He’s brought me to my knees again. It was about time I fell in love again. 

So here I am, Lord. 

My heart is Yours completely.

Set it on fire for You.

Breathe Your breath of life into my lungs. 

I need You, I need You, I need You.

I’m desperate for You.