Wow. I literally can’t believe I’m here writing this blog. I just experienced probably one of the most challenging, physically and emotionally, months of my life. Welcome to my month 10 on the race.
First, I started the month… just… great (sarcasm). My squad had our Leadership Development Weekend in La Paz, Bolivia. Two days for rest, relaxation and fellowship before we break into teams throughout the country. Fun fact: La Paz is the highest capital in the world, standing tall at 12,000 feet in the air. I am from Houston, Texas… standing SHORT at 50 feet above sea level… and actually losing a quarter of an inch every year. To say that I had altitude sickness would be the understatement of the year. I was so weak, filled with migraines and nausea all day and all night. The only squadmates I could see were the ones who came to my bedside, bringing food and medicine. I will always remember “my night of 4 throw-ups.” It was anything but funny but now that I look back at myself…man, was I pathetic! I successfully made the first throw up into a trash can outside my room. The second time, I woke up about an hour later literally throwing up on myself (ha, quite humbling you might say). Then, after trying to clean my bed and my clothes, I was climbing back to the top bunk and got sick again… lost my balance, and fell down onto another squadmate on the bottom bunk. At that point, I was too weak and gave up and decided to go into fetal position and asked my dear friend Amy if I could just stay on the bottom bunk with her. Lastly, I proceeded to throw up two more times on the side of our bed, waking up all 7 girls in the room each time.
Physically, I was doing pretty awful. Emotionally though, I was doing worse. My team had got our set-up sheet for this month and I was dreading every second going into month 10. We were placed with a ministry called World Gospel Church and were expected to head to a remote village called Mojos. There are about 17 families in Mojos and up until 5 years ago, the gospel wasn’t really accepted. Now… 14 of them have given their lives to Christ and we were called to encourage and disciple the believers, as well as evangelize to the unsaved families. Sounds right up my alley! The problem…. getting there.
When the set-up sheet said “remote” location, I immediately think of friends’ lake houses back home…. where there is no cell phone service and you can’t order pizza delivery. Mojos has definitely changed my view of remote locations. Our team first had to take a 11 hour bus ride to a small city called Apolo. Then, after a few days of getting acclimated and ready for the hike… we would take a 4 to 5 hour truck ride to the Tuichi River. Once we arrived at the Tuichi River, we would pay locals to canoe us across the river and begin our hike… OUR 32 MILE HIKE THROUGH THE AMAZON RAINFOREST. If you know me at all, you know that I will only run if something is chasing after me… or if there was a sale at Nordstrom. Hiking 32 miles with all of my gear sounded about near impossible.
My flesh immediately went bitter. I was thinking in my head, “This is for World Race Expeditions routes. I’m not trained for this, nor am I physically ready for this.” The only physical requirement we had coming onto the race was walking 3 miles under 50 minutes with our gear at training camp… so basically about a tenth of what they were asking me to do now. When we met with Phil, our host for the month and for the hike, I became even more filled with information that scared the living day lights out of me. Apparently, the population in Mojos had declined in the past decade because of the Black Plague and Yellow Fever. When I mentioned my concerns about snakes, his response was “well…not to be an alarmist, but I am too very concerned about snakes.” Phil also went on to tell us about the steep cliffs and landslides that would be 90% chance of fatality if we took one wrong step and a story about a doctor who almost died on the trail from an anaphayltic shock due to an ant bite. Oh, and the best part is…. the closest hospital/medical doctor to Mojos would be about 80 miles away. The only thing that my mind could wrap around for that 11-hour bumpy, mountainous bus ride was Phil’s last statement, “Missionaries should take their mission so seriously, they should be willing to come home in a body bag.”
I was angry. I was mad at AIM and leadership. I was upset that God would ask me to do this. I was already embarrassed for myself and how much I was going to fail miserably. Most of all, my dissatisfaction, pride and my heart of discontent was ballooning up.
As I began praying (angrily, I might put in), God spoke so clearly to me. Exactly 18 months ago, I announced that I was going on The World Race. I changed my profile picture, wrote my testimony, and shared the desires of my heart for what I want on The World Race. Specifically, He highlighted a sentence I wrote. “I want to journey through the mountains and jungles to reach the unreachable in Argentina, Bolivia, Chile and Peru. But it’s not what I want. It’s what God wants and His will for me. For 11 months, I’m His devoted and faithful servant on a mission. It’s an adventure to tell those He puts me in contact with about how He healed and redeemed me… And how He can do the same for them. “
Wow. Wow wow wow. I asked for this. I straight up asked for this a year and a half ago. And now I’m here… I’m resenting God for giving me exactly what I prayed for?
When I finally had this revelation, we only had two days before the hike. I knew I needed a new perspective. I’m a month 10 racer. I’ve been given an opportunity to do two more months of The World Race… and how often do people even have a chance to do even one month on the race. I challenged myself: anytime I would reach a point where I didn’t want to continue, instead… I would give Him praise.
I’ll be honest. I did nothing. It was all Him. God was the one who gave me strength to walk 32 miles from The Tuichi River to the village of Mojos. God lifted my legs for each step over every rock. He gave me the perseverance to carry my 30-pound backpack. Pride was telling every inch of me to say no, but it was my dependence on Him that made me accept help when the guys offered to carry my pack the rest of the way. He gave me His truth and memory to allow me to recite Chapter 1 of James out loud, rather than focusing on the aches of my muscles. He gave me the peace to not believe every branch or root of a tree wasn’t a snake when the sun went down. He was the one who brought along my teammate, Katelyn, who lovingly encouraged me every step of the way. It was the obedience He taught me to take my wandering thoughts of home captive. His presence got me across every river and every valley. He kept my knees sturdy for every downhill mountain we trekked. He even protected my friend, Brittany, who fell off the side of the cliff. I did nothing. He did everything. All the glory goes to Him.
Well yes, I would say trekking 64 miles round trip through the Amazon Forest/Foothill of the Andes mountain would be an accomplishment for my life. But again, it was all God…. not me? That also made me think back on all the “accomplishments” of my life. My full-ride scholarship to college. My degree in Human Biology from UT. Graduating 3rd in my class in high school. My career in politics. Even for the race… fundraising $16,961 for The World Race, spiritual gifts of evangelism and encouragement, every person I got to lead to Christ. Was I giving God all the glory to those things as much as I was giving Him the praise for getting me through that hike? There is absolutely nothing in my life I can boast about… because guess what, Allison, it’s all Him.
“I put no trust in my bow, my sword does not bring me victory, but you give us victory over our enemies. You put our adversaries to shame.” Psalm 44:6-7
When we had finally reached Mojos, I felt like I was on top of the world. I wanted to scream off the side of the mountain in joy and hug every person in the village. But not even 2 hours after I had arrived, my legs were attacked by triggers and my body immediately broke out into an allergic reaction and hives. For 3 days, I was confined to my tent… only leaving to use the restroom outside. I didn’t even get to have a single conversation with a person from Mojos. I was angry and upset all over again. Why God? Why send me all this way through the jungle, up and down dozens of mountains, across river after river… only to have me sit alone in a tent? Why?
Beth Moore said it so perfectly in my bible study, have you every “had an absence of peace in much less difficult circumstances. Peace comes in situations completely surrendered to the sovereign authority of Christ. Sometimes when we finally give up trying to discover all the answers to the “why’s” in our lives and decide to trust a sovereign God, unexpected peace washes over us. We sometimes lack peace in far less strenuous circumstances because we are not as desperately or likely to turn them over to God.”
I ended up having to leave Mojos a week early and headed back Apolo with Team Yebo. It’s actually comical now that I look back…. First, I didn’t want to go to Mojos… and finally, when I had arrived… I was being sent back early. It was honestly a mirror image of what God was showing me about me feelings towards the race. I was dissatisifed with home before the race because “i want to be overseas doing God’s work” and now, I’m ultimately dissatisfied with being overseas because “I want my family and friends and my cat and queso.” Man… isn’t our discontentment never ending?
What’s so amazing is that God PURPOSELY created me with an inability to be completely satisfied… It’s amazing because I know and have been shown what will always satisfy my thirsty and hungry heart. It will always be Christ.
“Humility cannot be humiliated.” – Phil
