11 Things I’m Taking Home from Cambodia
Cambodia was hard for me. And you know what that means….a lot of growth and revelations from The Lord. Get ready for this super long but completely vulnerable and heart pouring blog!
1. Cambodia’s Khmer Rouge Genocide
Our ministry this month was partnering with Lighthouse Battambang. To understand the mission behind this ministry, you have to understand the history of Cambodia.
Heard of Adolf Hitler… know about the atrocities of what the Nazis did during the Holocaust? It seems like everyone in the world knows about this… but do you have the same knowledge about Pol Pot? Did you know that in four short years, more than a quarter of an entire country’s population was wiped away? Yup, murdered in cold blood. How can over 2 million of God’s children be murdered in cold blood? The reasons…Maybe for even wearing glasses, having soft hands, for having an education, or speaking more than one language. This can’t be real, can it?
Pol Pot’s idea was bringing Cambodia back to a purely agrarian lifestyle, starting at year 0. He believed that any individual that was educated or have grown up in a middle/upper class family would challenge and be a potential threat to his new communist regime. These individuals (and their entire family) would be forced into a re-education labor camp or the devastating S21 prisons, where individuals would be tortured until they gave false confessions… then sent to a killing field.
My team and I took a weekend trip to Phnom Penh to see this prison and killing fields for ourselves and I would confidently say it was the hardest day of the race so far. I saw the place where innocent people and their family dragged to what used to be a high school, only to be tortured in unspeakable ways. I saw blood stains splattered all over the ceiling and walls. I saw the beds where the Khmer Rogue would chain up their victims. I saw the floors and shackles where hundreds of innocent people would lie, waiting for their time of torture. I also got to meet one out of only 12 survivors who went through that prison. I also got to see the old Chinese cemetery that was used to kill thousands in the dark of the night. I saw the graves of hundreds of children and their mothers. I saw the tree next to that grave that was used to beat babies and children to death. I saw the tools that were used for killings… not a quick bullet to the head, but beat to death with axes, hammers, and shovels. I saw the place where the chemical was stored to make sure those individuals who were beat to death… were actually dead. I saw the place where innocent victims were chemically burned alive. I saw the “magic tree”… the tree that was used as a tool to hang a loud speaker whose power came from a large generator. The speaker blared traditional Khmer music at night to cover up the sounds of the moans and screams of the victims while they were being executed.
What I saw that weekend was pure evilness. I didn’t see any hope, any light… just darkness, torture and death.
2. Justice: Do I want it God’s Way… or My Way?
After that weekend, I was livid. HOW CAN A GOOD GOD ALLOW THIS HAPPEN TO THOSE HE CREATED? WHERE WERE YOU, GOD? GOD, YOU HEARD THEIR CRIES… YOU HEARD THEIR SUFFERING. WHY. HOW COULD YOU? I was more than upset. For the first time in my short walk of a year and a half with Christ… I started doubting God and if He was really good. My heart was hardened. I wanted my questions to be answered and to have an explanation for all the evilness I had just witnessed. I wrestled with Him, trying to find the answers in scripture and in prayer.
Not only did I want to know answers, I wanted justice. I was upset that Pol Pot and many of his “soldiers” died without being condemned by the courts. I was angry that he died peacefully, surrounded by his family. But then my wise teammate read something in Proverbs and shared something with me that hit straight to the heart. “Even death and destruction hold no secrets from The Lord, how much more does He know the human heart?” Proverbs 15:11. Immediately, it was like He was whispering in my ear. Of course, I was there… I created them. I heard their cries… I felt every pain that they endured… They were mine and the darkness of Satan took them from me.
I don’t know the reasons for what God allows and what He doesn’t but I do know “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the Lord. As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your thoughts.” Isaiah 55:8-9. His sovereign plan takes in the whole scope of history. There is no way I could POSSIBLY fathom the intricacies of His design. By faith, I need to trust that God’s plan is the best plan possible for restoring this cursed world and fallen humanity. I also know that God did everything possible to redeem us from this fallen world. He sent Jesus FOR us.
So remember how I was upset that Pol Pot died peacefully…. that mentality makes my heart more align with Satan than with God. God is a merciful and compassionate father. “I take no pleasure in the death of the wicked, but rather that they turn from their ways and live.” Ezekiel 33:11. God desires to forgive and rescue ALL people from evil, especially the evil-doers. That same compassion that He has for them is what He has given me… even when I definitely don’t deserve it. So the question is… Do I want it God’s way… or My way?
3. High School Ministry with Lighthouse Battambang
Our ministry this month was with Lighthouse Battambang. We stayed in a dormitory with 20 high school students, sleeping, eating…doing life with them! Lighthouse was started in 2008 when Lukas, a Swiss native, realized that it was extremely difficult for poor and rural Cambodian youth to go to high school. He wondered why there were dormitories for colleges…but how can some students go to college, if they don’t even have a chance to finish high school? That’s when Lukas started Lighthouse, a place for Cambodian youth to develop their goals and dreams… as well as provide accountability. They provide meals, a place to live, exercising routines, daily devotions, weekly young adult church services and tutoring in every subject!
Another part of their ministry is the “Bright-House” Community Center, where other high schoolers can come and “hang out.” Some come to learn English, or for free tutoring in Mathematics, Geometry, Chemistry and Physics. There are also classes for computers, music, sewing, sports and bible!
I especially loved the host mom and dad! Our team got the opportunity to travel with them and their adorable son, Daniel, to the Cambodian markets to get food and vegetables every morning. Daughters of Peace spent the month teaching English classes (beginning, intermediate and advanced levels), as well as construction and various projects around the dormitory.
4. Spiritual Gifts: What… I have more than Evangelism and Encouragement?
During one of our team times, we went around and shared with each teammate which spiritual gifts we think the Lord has given each person. I took a spiritual gifts test when I first became a Christian and got Evangelism and Encouragement. It seemed accurate. I’ve been in politics for the past few years, instead of campaigning for a candidate or party now… I’m campaigning FULL time for Jesus! I’m also an ESFJ so I thrive on staying up to date with all of my friends. My genuine interest in others can be uplifting and encouraging to those going through a difficult season or just wants to be listened to. What I was REALLY surprised to learn was that you have access to ALL spiritual gifts and sometimes a few gifts stand out more than others. That also means I have other gifts that I could be tapping into more…
Here were the spiritual gifts my teammates saw in me:
–Evangelism: 5/5 of my teammates share this with me. I’m eager to share my testimony with others so they can see how God can transform lives through accepting Christ. Apparently, I’ve “never met a stranger in my life.” I tend to convict others by leading in example.
–Teaching: I was VERY surprised with this one. When I thought of teaching before the race, I imagine myself being stuck in a classroom with little people and that sounded like torture. I already shared that I LOVED teaching in Vietnam and fell in love with my students. This month I learned that God has definitely given me a spiritual gift of teaching, I just wasn’t aware of it. I’m so eager to share what the Lord has been teaching me with everyone who is willing to listen. I work in a classroom well, as well as integrate biblical truths even in English class. I spend time to share what has been learned and willing/patient to walk through the lessons to help others learn the same truth.
–Giving: I know my teammates joke about how my sharing food is my love language, but I also was very surprised with this one. I was told I don’t hoard and that it’s almost and instinct/natural response to share what is mine with other
–Knowledge: I’m hungry for information, especially about who He is and what He’s done throughout history and what’s to come in the future.
-Hospitality: I’m welcoming to others and easily make people feel at home.
–Faith: When everyone is frustrated, I can help motivate and encourage.
–Miracles: I have full confidence in my prayers.
Ps. I was able to combine my two favorite things in this world on the race: Cat Evangelism. It’s a type of outreach that starts with a prayer walk looking for cats. Once you find a cat, you play with cat, find cat’s owner and then proceed to tell them about Jesus.
This is my favorite cat this month named Got. He brought me so much joy overtime I passed by his house… and his family was very willing to share him this month with me! He loved being held and getting his belly rubbed. On my last day in Cambodia, I went to say bye to the Got and his family… and unfortunately, he got run over by a car the previous day. I was devastated but still thankful for the joy he brought to me this month. REST IN PEACE, GOT 🙁
5. Entitled to the Past
The last week of Vietnam, I received a text from a dear friend back home telling me that I wasn’t going to be on her bridal house party anymore. Regardless of her reasonings, I was devastated. It’s already been hard grieving old friendships that are no longer in my life so getting that text was just like a huge bandaid getting ripped off, then alcohol being poured into the wound. I felt entitled to be recognized for my friendship with her. I’ve learned a lot from this experience. 6 months ago if this had happened, my heart would immediately turn on God…. I’d be angry at him for “sacrificing my twenties in singleness… and missing out on all of these big events and losing friendships because He sent me to do this work for Him across the world.” Although I was upset and my entitlement was brought up, I knew exactly why this was happening. He was sanctifying and instead of immediately sending a word vomit response (which probably… not probably, DEFINITELY would have regretted), I prayed about it. I prayed that He would help me to show grace and understanding, and to come up with a response that glorified Him. It was the first time I realized I was turning to Him instead of to the world when I was upset. Praise God that He’s capable of changing hearts.
Remember when I said it was like a bandaid getting ripped off and then alcohol being poured into the wound. Well what generally comes after that? …healing. And that’s what He’s doing. Instead of being entitled to my past, He’s teaching me that when you let go. When I let go, He can be let in.
“Worrying is being fearful that God will get it wrong… bitterness is believing that He did.” Timothy Keller
Here’s something that has been helping me with entitlement (ps…thanks Matt Blair for teaching me this at debrief). The world has a set of currency. It’s made up of merit. You do something good for a friend… you rack up merit (think of little coins in your piggy bank). You help them during a hard time, ask them how their day is, bring them lunch at work… merit is just piling on to you. You might mess up, say something really mean, get into a fight and your merit account dwindles a little. Immediately, you overcompensating with forgiveness and acts of service. So now you’re going through a hard time and you want to cash in on that merit you’ve been saving up… but WAIT, the other person can’t deliver when you need them? HOLD UP… that’s not fair. I EARNED THAT LOVE. LOOK AT ALL THOSE THINGS I DID FOR YOU.…yeah, it sounds even more crazy when I type it out but that’s exactly how I’ve been treating my friendships. Entitlement is a thing that will creep up on you.
Let’s use The Kingdom’s currency instead. It’s filled with an UNLIMITED amount of worth that not only you can have, but He wants to give you. Then, every person that comes in your life… that you meet at the grocery line… or sit next to on the plane, you can love them from the overflow of the love that The Lord gives you!
6. YWAM and Divine Appointments
PSHHHH. This will probably be a whole separate blog but I’ll give a very short summary. Weird weird WEIRD chain of events but Rachel and I randomly stumbled into a YWAM conference that was being help in Battambang. I’ve never heard of YWAM really until this month so I was curious to know more. Met some missionaries all over the world… one being a man named Jackson from Cameroon. I went up to Jackson after he recited The Book of Revelation to the entire conference. I told him about The World Race and showed him my one-second a day video so he could understand what our mission was. He said he wanted to learn more about me and Rachel and asked for a meeting a few hours later.
After a 2 hour meeting of sharing testimonies and experiences, Jackson asked if we believed in “divine appointments.” He shared with us that God told him that morning that he needed to meet two foreign girls today at the conference. God even told him where to stand… and that’s when I went up to him (crazy!). He said he met a woman who spoke French right before me…but knew it wasn’t her. He then asked us what we think God’s vision for us in the future. We prayed about this “divine appointment” and what we think God wants us to do… then, at the end, said we have his commitment for us joining YWAM and this conference tour that Jackson and the founder of YWAM are doing in Africa. They will be teaching the 7 Spheres of Influence and how to teach biblical principles in each of those spheres in society. He wanted Rachel to be a keynote speaker and use her passion and background in business. He wanted me to connect with political figureheads and foreign leaders to teach them how to govern with a biblical worldview.
Yup, this sounds crazy. I cannot make this stuff up. Even if I don’t join YWAM, it was such a Holy Spirit-led appointment and an encouragement beyond what I could believe. I’ve been struggling for months (not trying) to think about what God has for me after The Race. I know I’m good at Evangelism and speaking to people…but how does that exactly translate onto a LinkedIn Profile. It doesn’t seem like my spiritual gifts/talents/passion had a clear path but then God just showed me how He does…just from this meeting.
Ps. got to see my YWAM friends again (Jackson and Ryan/Hannah from Australia) during my debrief in Siem Reap. We ate Mexican food and gelato, played hours of cards, went shopping at the old market and got fish pedicures!
7. SOUL mate vs SOLE mate
This was probably the biggest thing I’ve learned this month. My entire life I’ve wanted to find a special someone. I wanted that “person.” The person that was always going to be by my side during the good times, the funny times, the bad times and the sad times. I wanted a husband I could travel with… explore the world… do literally anything and everything. Coming on the race, we signed a contract abstaining from dating from the time we got accepted until the time we got back home from the field. This all made sense… the race is all about dying to ourselves and living completely for Him. If our hearts and minds are focused on someone back home or even on the squad, we might be blind to what He’s called us to do. I’ve actually really embraced the gift of singleness these past couple years. Whether I was trying to date 5+ guys at a time or in a serious relationship, they all took away from my relationship with God. Even with knowing all of this, I came into the race thinking… “I’m going to find my BFF on the race.” I’m going to find “my person” that will do the race with me! We will do all the girly things together like manicures in foreign countries, do ministry side by side, share what God was teaching us in our bible studies and learn how to grow in our faith together. Sound familiar? My heart was so set on finding a SOUL mate, and honestly, I thought I had found it. Instead of trying to find my husband, I was trying to find my Maid of Honor. And what did I learn? Whether I’m seeking my person in a female or a male, I’ve learned I’m addicted to co-dependent relationships. These relationships, male or female, weren’t going to fill that void in my soul… even if they were with someone who has a heart seeking the Lord. I won’t lie… it’s really stinkin’ hard. I’m surrounded by so many people on the squad and my team who have that “other person.” My team has a natural tendency to pair off into twos and unfortunately, that means sometimes I feel left out. During those times, I try to find my worth in another individual but then God asked me this question. If it was only me and God in the world… doing life together… would I be content or will I always be seeking to find others in my discontent. #Conviction. It’s been a hard but extremely rewarding revelation. And even though it’s hard, I’m praising God through the hurts! He’s teaching me daily that I don’t need a SOUL mate… I need a SOLE mate… ONE mate, HIM.
8. Evangelism… even to those who already claim to be Christians
My teammate, Hillarie, asked me to do a prayer walk with her for our one-on-one. We immediately started for praying for what God wanted us to speak over, to or for. After walking for a few minutes, we stopped by this French school. There was a row of market vendors inside and I immediately wanted to go in and explore. None of the vendor owners understood what we were trying to order so they brought a beautiful, young girl to use to help translate. Her English was almost perfect and I wanted to get to know her a little better. After a few round of questions, we explained to her that we are missionaries. Her face lit up and she said, “Oh! I’m a Christian too!” I was excited but my immediate thought was… “cool, you already know God… I don’t have time for this, move outta the way! Point me to someone who I can share the gospel with.” I’m glad I was able to take that thought captive immediately because I knew there was a reason why God brought her in my path. Only 1% of Cambodia’s population knows Christ, so what were the odds that the very first girl on our prayer walk knew Christ! The least I could do was encourage her in her walk and to be bold about her faith to everyone around her. I asked her if she wanted to hangout and get coffee/milk tea with me one day. She told us she wasn’t allowed to drink coffee or tea. I thought it was an allergy or something. After she invited me and Hillarie to her house, I understood why she couldn’t drink milk and coffee. She was Mormon.
I was fortunate enough to hangout with her 3 more times before I had to leave Cambodia. She took me and Hillarie to the Bamboo trains and although I got very motion sick and had to see a dead snake get pulled up from the tracks, it’ll be a memory I’ll never forget. I also went to her Mormon church service, where I learned a little bit about the Mormon faith and church… enough to know we follow the same God but have very different perspectives on where God speaks to us (Bible vs. Book of Mormon), our eternal destination and more. If I went with my immediate flesh reaction, Satan would have robbed me from this beautiful friendship. I also wouldn’t have been able to share more about my faith and beliefs that only The Bible is God’s truth. I’ll continue praying that God blesses her family, heal her sick father and reveal Himself to her daily… regardless of which church she attends!
9. Team Changes
Here’s my new Team Selah. My NEW team has Audrey Keith, Rachel Kois, Lyndie Burnett, Amanda LaRue and Hillarie Sweeney.
OKAY. Yes, they are the exact same people but God threw in a surprise for us. Most of our squad, if not all, were expecting team changes at Month 4 debrief and right before we transition to Africa. I’ve had this in my mind since day 1 of the race which has caused me to become extremely lazy with being intentional with my team, as well as loving them well. Because why would I need to…? I don’t want to dive in any deeper. I got the “gist” of these girls and how they are… any deeper and that means I could possibly get hurt. *GASP* Well, leadership prayerfully considered and of course, God knew my heart. And I imagine Him grinning like a Father disciplining His daughter like “No sweetheart, it’d be easy for me to change your teams but I want you to learn how to love others. Not just love them for 4 months and then leave. Like truly love them.” Looking back on my almost 2 year mark walking with Christ… it makes total sense. I was only with my first community group in Fort Worth 4 months before I had to move back to Houston after the campaign. I was only in my second grow group for only 5 months before I had to leave for The World Race. I opened up with each group, shared sinned struggles, and learned a lot from them… but what I didn’t have time to do was press INTO the hard things. Again with the wound example… It’s gotten easy exposing the wounds under the bandaid… but am I really ready for God to allow others to treat those wounds. That might really really hurt, like pouring alcohol directly into the wound. Although it might hurt, God will purify it… cleanse it of anything that’s not of Him… and eventually, healing may start to happen. That’s how I’m going to continue looking at these girls. Not just girls that can look good in my Instagram pictures and do crazy adventures on The World Race with… girls that God put in my life to start the ultimate healing process.
10. Pineapples
This has been a pretty heavy blog so I’ll end it with two uplifting things I’ve learned. I’ve never had a pineapple before in my life before Vietnam. Everyone knows I’m an extremely picky eater but I wanted to really challenge myself this race to try new things. For some people, it’s trying dog or horse or tarantulas… for me, it was trying pineapples. I’ve heard my entire life pineapples are very sour and citric tasting and I never liked pineapple flavor chapstick.. so for all the people who are asking why I haven’t tried it before, there you go!
My first time eating pineapple was in Vietnam when I got to meet my family for the first time. I also was very scared to say no so I pretended I wanted one when my aunt, uncle and Rachel were buying one from the street. It smelled good so I put a big piece in my mouth… AND I LITERALLY THOUGHT THE SIDE OF MY TONGUE WAS GOING TO FRY OFF. It burned my mouth so much and I vowed I would never eat one again. But I was wrong. My name is Allison and I am now a pineapple addict. I had at least 1 pineapple a day… every day… for a month. Funny how things change, right?
11. I DID CROSSFIT
Who am I… and what have you done with Allison? It was definitely a one time thing for me, as I literally walked like a duck for 3 days straight after.. or as Gumby (as Hillarie would say). I don’t understand and probably will never understand the phrase “it hurt so good….” because guess what, it stinkin’ hurt really hard. BUT STILL, I’m happy I can look back later in life and say I DID CROSSFIT ONCE…. IN CAMBODIA. I’m proud of myself for keeping my commitment to my team to try it but even more proud that God protected me during those excruciating 45 minutes and didn’t land in the hospital! Well now I can say I can knock it because I tried it 🙂
I know this is already a super long blog but here’s one last cool short story. I’ve probably taken over 50 Tuk Tuks in Asia these past 4 months. I took one last Tuk Tuk ride with my new friend, Kry before I left for Africa. God wasn’t done yet… He used my last 15 minute Tuk Tuk ride to bring back a lost sheep. MEET MY NEW BROTHER IN CHRIST!
Also…PRAISE GOD AND OBEDIENT HEARTS FOR SPONTANEOUS BAPTISM DECISIONS. So happy for my Texas brother, Tyler. Love you!
ONWARDS TO AFRRRRRRIIIIIICCCCAAAA (Cue Toto’s song)
