I arrived home from Training Camp yesterday exhausted, dirty, and so excited to see my family for the first time in ten days. Both my gear and I came back changed- my gear, from being all brand-new and clean to now being wrinkled, smelly, and covered on every possible surface with sand and red Georgia clay; and me, to being changed both on the inside and out from having a better understanding of who I am in Christ, seeing the Lord’s faithful, sustaining, and confirming hand all throughout camp, and getting to know and love my 50 squad mates in a deeper way.
Ten days of spiritual, emotional, and physical training in humid, high-90’s Georgia heat and the only glimpses of air conditioning were in rooms with literally 300 other sweaty people (which made the air conditioning pretty much a moot point). No running water or plumbing. No electricity, internet, or TV. No coffee. (<– this is a big deal, possibly more than the plumbing.)
I now know how to sleep in a tent by myself, in a tent with another person, in a tent with 9 other people, and under a tarp with 40+ people, and in an noisy airport terminal with 100 other people. I can sip weird-smelling broth for breakfast, eat anything with my fingers, and have no shame in eating off of dirty tables and from unfinished portions of other people’s plates (you got to get that protein in, y’all!!). I can survive 10 days of portapottys and now appreciate the beautiful sound of a toilet flushing for the first time in my life! Cold bucket showers are glorious after a hot summer’s day, and I am now a pro at washing my hair with a garden hose.
I now know how to quickly get vulnerable and real with people you met 48 hours earlier. I know how to worship the Lord in Spirit and in Truth with 300 other people. I know the principle of pressing in to the hard and painful times in order to truly face what the Lord has for me and not miss what He is teaching me out of fear or discomfort. I know the sweetness of praying with other Believers to our Heavenly Father, lifting each other up and seeking His glory.
This has probably been the hardest week and a half of my life, both emotionally and physically. I am so grateful to the Lord for this opportunity to truly see in such tangible ways how He sustains and has met every need that I could have.
Was it hard? Yes, incredibly hard at times.
Was it beautiful? Absolutely. I learned so much about God, His love and sustaining grace, His plan for me as His daughter, the beauty of His holiness and sovereignty, than I have in a long, long time. I learned more about myself and my abilities, when I actually attempt to do the hard and scary things instead of just avoiding them, than I have in a long, long time.
I am so grateful that God leads us through the hard things. This is where we see His face! This is where we truly come to know and experience His absolute goodness and faithfulness.
There was one day when we were away from camp and I was in a public bathroom and actually did a double-take when I saw my reflection in the mirror. It hit me that because we didn’t have any mirrors at camp, I hadn’t seen myself in a while. In a sense, the past 10 days have been so refreshing because I wasn’t continually reminded of myself in this way and the inevitable constant thoughts that follow of how I fail, how I’m not good or pretty enough, how others must think of me. We had been forced to gaze on the Lord’s face and on the faces of our fellow teammates, forgetting ourselves in this small but significant way. What a blessing! Looking at myself, depending on myself, I will always fail. But looking to His face in dependency and looking at other’s faces in love and grace, THIS is how we are supposed to live!
Thank you so much for your prayers throughout the past week and a half! My head is still spinning from being at camp and I’m trying to catch up on sleep. I am actually leaving early tomorrow morning to be gone for yet another week, this time being a camp counselor for a Christian camp for high schoolers that is very dear to my heart. This camp, Totally His, which is put on by my precious Bible school, is something that God used in many huge ways when I was back in high school to teach me of Himself and what it means to follow Christ, and I am very excited to have the opportunity to serve the new campers that will be attending. Please continue to pray for me this next week! Specifinally for renewed strength as I am still very worn from training camp, and also for wisdom and love in reaching out to these campers (and energy to keep up with them!).
I can’t believe that I will be launching with my squad in about 6 weeks! Time is flying by so fast. More updates will come soon after I finish up with this next camp!
