People analyzing is one of my favorite hobbies – whether in real life or in movies. It is very close to people watching, but I would argue that it gets more into the personal motivation of why a person is who they are and their personal triumphs and pitfalls. Recently, I have been thinking a lot about Spock from Star Trek.
Spock is a great commander of the starship Enterprise for his cool-headed decision-making. Even in the midst of a crisis he is able to relax and effectively process the situation in order to make the call that has the least damage and the most positive outcome for his allies. But when it comes to Captain Kirk, Spock gets constantly frustrated with his friend’s bold moves that usually end up saving more people than reason is able to manage.
Until this past week at Training Camp, I have been subconsciously categorizing myself as a “Spock.” Completely ruled by logical reasoning, with feelings so deep down inside that they rarely come up to the surface. And since I am not half-Vulcan, every time I could no longer bottle up my emotions, they tended to explode in tears of hurt and bitterness.
I had myself chained to this idea that logic is the only thing that people prize in this world and, without reason; nothing I ever say or experience can be valued. Logic gave me pride in my personal status, a comfort when things didn’t make sense, and a cage to suppress my emotions. My constant evaluation of my status bulked up my pride to levels that I never wanted in the first place, furthering the entrapment of my emotions.
But there was one thing I forgot about his character: Spock is constantly having to surrender to the fact that human emotion is something he doesn’t completely understand. And that is what I had to do this past week.
It was not easy, and it was not comfortable, but God has begun to free me from the dependence I have on logic. I have started to grieve over past emotions that have never come to the surface because my reason was telling me that what I felt was invaluable and incomprehensible. I could journal, but I could never speak what I had written for my fear of judgment, and this week God pushed me to share my heart, even if it meant blubbering through fearful tears. It was humbling, but even more encouraging to see the reactions of my future World Racing brothers and sisters in Christ to see their compassion and grace for my weaknesses, realizing that we are all broken and have things to learn over this next year.
As I begin to chisel away at the chains that have been holding me captive in the realm of reason, I wonder if there is anything that you are weak at and that God wants to grow you in over the next year. I would love to be praying for you and your growth as well as mine for this next season of life. I know that God will change me as long as I continue to lean on Him, are you willing to accept your weaknesses and surrender it to the Lord?
