Three days later and I am still trying to wrap my mind around the death of Osama bin Laden. Trying to figure out if I am supposed to be celebrating or mourning. By the looks of facebook culture it could really go either way and I would be attacked.
2 years ago I sat on a bus in Dar Es Salaam, Tanzania and was absolutely terrified to be surrounded by so many muslim people. Thoughts ran through my head about the bus blowing up, attacks targeting the “white” girl and just general fear. As I rode the bus I was so caught off guard by the fear and racism I saw in my own heart. I would not have thought of myself as a racist person. But that ugliness is what I saw in the mirror. I wish I could say that I systematically destroyed my racist heart that month, but I honestly remained fearful. It was hard for me to ride on the bus next to women who I could only see a sliver of her eyes. It was hard not to quietly pray under my breath that the bus would not blow up simply because an American was sitting on it. It was hard to erase the things I had been programmed to believe for years.
I do know I was sad. Sad for myself. Sad for them. Sad that I didn’t see the way out.
I make it a habit to NOT watch the news. I personally have no need to be made aware every night of the terrible things going on the World. I am aware. I know and I have seen. I don’t need a talking head to remind me of bombings, shootings, death and sickness. I have seen it with my own eyes.
But Monday night I happened to be home and tuned in to Nightly News. And I wept. I sat on my couch and cried. For America, for victims of 9/11, for people who lost so many loved ones. I cried for Osama, the people who live in Pakistan, followers of Osama, and just the hurting world in general. My heart was broken again for people. People just like you and me. People trying to feed their families, people trying to make it to the next day, people who are mourning loss, people who are trying to reconcile a good God to a hurting world. broken.
I still don’t really know what I think. I am neither celebrating death or fearful of retaliation. I know that God is LOVE. I know that he is a God of GRACE. I know that there is HOPE.
I imagine I may not ever really know how I feel about Sunday night; equal parts proud to be an American and yet saddened by the death of a man so far from God. I do know I was disgusted by so many FB posts, so many blogs and the response of many people I came across.
While I sit and figure out how and what I feel, here are a few great responses. I am proud to know these men and women and proud of them for boldly challenging us to grace and love.
Sami Moor (July 10 racer currently in Malaysia: “Brushing My Teeth with Osama”
Matt Snyder (brother and racer currently on Trafficking trip) “True Justice”
Matt Patch (racer and friend leaving for Kenya) “Feedback to the World”
