About a month ago I was running down the road in Southern California. The street was lined with surfers waking up in their VW vans. They were pulling on their wetsuits and grabbing their longboards. (or short boards, or whatever kind of boards surfers surf with – i sure wouldn’t know!)
They literally would wake up, roll out of their van and go surfing. If I was the stereo-typing kind, I would say they probably ate, smoked some weed, had sex and went to sleep. Woke up the next day and did the same thing. Seems like a pretty good deal. They all seemed pretty happy, laid-back, and relaxed.
Running down that road on that day, it seemed absolutely glorious. I thought for a hot-second about becoming a surfer. (Except for the whole surfing, swimming, shark thing…that would be a struggle for me.) But the lifestyle sure did seem appealing. I pondered disappearing into a VW van and leaving behind all that 2011 has been.
The pain, the struggle, the heartbreak. The pain, the struggle, the heartbreak. The pain, the struggle, the heartbreak. Over and over and over again. Rinse and repeat.
I completely understand how Job asked God to just kill him. Just go ahead and finish me off, because I can’t handle it anymore. (You won’t find that in the NIV, but that is the AJ version). Round about the middle of November I was in the same place. Just go ahead and finish me off God, because I am DONE. It has been the year from hell. All the dirty details don’t really matter – and they certainly don’t make it all better. Let’s just find a VW van to climb into and surf our troubles away.
Except. You knew it was coming – the exception. The explanation. The thing is…in the back of a VW van or in ministry, or really, in LIFE…you can’t really run away. Oh, you can try. Believe me, I have tried, sometimes harder than others. But at the end of the day you will still put your head on the pillow at night and have to reconcile some things.
I have in no way reconciled some things. I still have WAY more questions than answers. I won’t settle for nice, christian explanations. I won’t stop wrestling. I have no conclusions. (i still may climb in that VW….don’t let me fly to CA for awhile!)
But, this i do know: “thou he slay me, yet I will HOPE in him” Job 13:15
Thank you Lord for hope. Thank you that this season is only about hope. Thank you for people that HOPE with me.
