“…to obey is better than sacrifice.”
1 Sam 15:22
The Chief has been teaching me about obedience for a few
months. In Cambodia
it was obedience to the call for spending more intimate time with Him. He spoke to me immensely in those weeks while
I sat in silence and waited for the quiet whisper of his voice. This month it has been obedience to the
authority that was placed over us.
I struggle with obedience for multiple reasons; some of it
is just my own stubbornness, some can be explained by the small bit of radical
spirit that I am cultivating, and some is just my unwillingness to listen.
Clearly, this is no secret to the Chief. He continues to ask me to obey. In small things. In big things. In all things.
We have been working this month with a group that reaches
out to University students. It has been
a very fruitful experience for me and I made amazing friends that I will carry
in my heart for a long, long time. We
have needed to be very guarded with our tongues and actions as we interact with
them; most of this was for the safety of our contacts. We are working in a “closed Asian nation”
where the message of “Jackie Chan” (use your imagination and check the
initials) is not present, nor welcomed.
The slightest slip could endanger years of work and “thoughts” that have
been sent up for this nation. Even now,
I must be careful what I write, so please be creative when I am being
vague. We were not able to share
anywhere on campus, nor would we be able to really share why we were there, or
what we have been doing as we travel.
As I continued conversation with my new friends one of them
asked many questions about “Jackie” and showed a hunger that I have not seen
yet on this trip. My heart leapt at the
chance to share with her and I set up dinners, shopping, etc…off-campus so that
I could share more with her. I can’t
tell you the number of conversations that I had to cut off or divert because we
were in an “un-safe” zone. Do you know
how frustrating it is to have the hunger placed in your lap and you can’t do
anything about it? I have waited 6
months to have someone ask me these questions and the irony does not escape me
that the first time it happens I am not allowed to speak.
I am not going to lie, a large part of me wanted to ignore
the rules and shout from the front steps of the University that Jackie is the
answer. I wanted to forget the authority
and what I had been instructed to do. I
wanted to be able to operate as the follower of “Jackie” that I am growing to
be.
We took some strolls
through the park and I was finally able to answer some questions and address
all the confusion in her heart. In the
course of the conversation she asked me for a copy of the Good Book! Yes! Yes! Yes! No!
No! NO! I can’t give her one—ahhhh! Frustration reached an all-time high. How can it be that someone so thirsty is
asking me for water and I can’t give it to her?
How can this be right?
I searched the Book, I found passages that would support me
giving her a copy on the sly. I wanted
to risk being thrown out of the country!
Can you imagine that Blog? “Dear
everyone, I am back at home because I was removed from a ‘closed Asian country’
for passing out the Word to a thirsty friend!”
How awesome! Isn’t that what we
all dream of? I am certain I left 6 months ago with these kind of dreams.
Then I searched the Book again. The common thread was obedience. Oh, crap.
Surely not me, Chief! Don’t you
want her to get the Book? The answer was
clear. ” Nope. I want you to be
obedient.” Not only was it an obedience
check, but a pride check as well. Do I
really think that I am the only way that she is going to get the Book?
In the end, I left it in the lap of the Chief and trust him
to deliver the Book. How I can’t wait
for the day when she sends a note to my email that she asked for and received
the Book! I trust and believe that he
knows exactly what is best for her and will deliver it in his time.
Obedience. Many times
along this road I have made decisions for my teammates that I ask them to
obey. Not always are they popular-just
ask them! But, I ask them for simple
confidence in my decisions and respect for what the Chief has asked of them. I realize now that this was His way of
reminding me that I, too, must respect the authority placed over me. Andrew Shearman and Gary Black (two of our
FABULOUS mentors) have always preached “you have authority because you are under authority”. I appreciate the lesson and the chance to
walk it out.
“Obey your leaders and submit to their
authority. They keep watch over you as
men who must give account.” (Heb 13:17)
