fire. During that bond fire the staff called me out. They asked me “do
you really want to be here?” “you seem so distant from the group and
not wanting to interact.” Oh yes they were Right! Satan had been
attacking me all week. He was telling me not to trust these people I am
with. I have been hurt all my life by letting people into my life. So,
I was at camp, but not there. Then I started to tell Allison and Kayla
(the staff) what I was going through and why I was acting that way.
Maybe a little more then they wanted to hear. I was crying my brains
out. They prayed for me an encouraged me. I really needed that to push
me over the edge. Very good people at AIM. That really care.
activity where you grab something and throw it in the fire and say
something that is a burden. I was sitting back and hearing everyone
while crying at the same time. Then one of the staff that was there was
talking about his story about how he would jump in front of cars to
try to kill himself. Then it reminded me of ME. When I did not want to
live. There were many failed attempts of suicide in my past. The I
realized how messed up I am for never letting go of that. How Satan
manipulated me to think I am worthless. That was when you could hear
the anguish and intensity in my cry. It was so deep. I knew it was time
for me to deal with my past and leave it in God’s hands. It was not my
battle anymore.
had to burn. My voice slowly started to break into crying. I said ” I burn the lies of Satan and the shame of my PAST.”
I was done holding and believing all of that CRAP I was holding on to.
I had to grieve my past to the point where I had no more strength in my
body.