You know the type: they are good Christian people, living a good, Christian life, they pray a lot, they talk “spiritual” talk, they read their Bibles, they are trying to be like Jesus, they really are pretty fantastic. You’re seen ’em sitting in your church. They are on time to church (even if the parking lot is crazy), they are well-dressed, they know all the words to every worship song, they nod their heads and agree with everything the pastor says, they really have the Christian life all figured out. One small problem; they are sitting in that pew swinging their legs with their hands glued under their gluteus maximus, just trying to be holy, but not really moving.
And I am terrified I have become one of them.
I have struggled with a few things since being back in the States and one of biggest things is just my own complacency. I have really had to wrestle with myself to spend time with the Lord. There just always seems to be something “better’ to do; lunches to eat, miles to run, books to read, shopping to do, emails to write, you get the point.
Just this week I had decided to make quiet time a major priority in my life. I would not read blogs, send emails, check facebook, exercise, etc…until I had done time with Jesus. It was time to get serious. I am making some big decisions and I can’t afford to make them from a spiritual desert. I was (and am) doing pretty well; I had been more focused, more determined and just plain stubborn about making it happen. I was feeling pretty good about my spiritual health, and I even went to church this week! It was shaping up to be a banner week, (keep in mind it is only Monday) and I was feeling pretty darn good. And then I got a spiritual slap in the face.
This afternoon I went with my mom to her oncologist’s office for a check-up and treatment. It was great to meet her Doctor, see the office set-up and just generally see how things go. While she settled into the chair for treatment I got to looking around the room. It was full of people of all ages, all backgrounds, and all walks of life, but they all shared one thing in common: cancer. Most everyone was reclined in their respective chairs with some sort of chemo dripping into their veins; some were reading, sleeping, visiting, but all were fighting the cancer battle. My spirit wanted to go around that room and lay hands on all of them and just seem them healed immediately. I wanted to tell them about Jesus, share hope, love and faith with them. Inside I was just itching to do my “world race thing” in America! I even told my mom that I was used to walking in and praying for everyone.
I wish this blog was about the people I saw healed today, or the people who met Jesus day, or the people who were just loved on today, But instead it is a blog about none of those things. It is a blog about how I sat on my hands and just silently whispered prayers to myself. I actually picked up my book and read instead of bringing the Kingdom to that place.
I am disgusted. With myself. And with the stupid enemy who told me to just leave them alone. He told me I would be bothering them, he told me that they probably already knew about Jesus, he told me that they would laugh at me, he told me that no one wanted to hear about Jesus, he told me to just sit back and relax and read my book. So I did.
Since when do I listen to the enemy? AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! I could just kick myself. Actually, I am kicking myself. I was feeling so good, so holy, for reading my Bible and praying and doing all the “good” things, but yet I didn’t walk in obedience. And if I remember somewhere in that Good Book, God himself says that he does not want our rituals, our sacrifices, he wants our obedience. (
I don’t want to become “one of them” –a church pew sitter. I want to be a radical, obedient, spirit-filled person who walks in the full authority of Jesus and knows my identity as a daughter of the KING! And that means marching into infusion rooms, not with the fear of man, but with the spirit of power and love and self-discipline. (2 Tim 1:7).
With that, tomorrow is a new day. God’s grace is enough and He will wake me up tomorrow morning ready to roll. And this time I will be listening only to HIS voice.
