I waved goodbye to the land that once had held so much promise and breathed a sigh of relief. It felt good to leave a place that had revealed so much of my own sin and ugliness, and I really hoped those things didn’t follow me to Asia.
Of course I recognized a lot of good had come from my 3 months in Africa. I saw my first “real” healings, preached my first sermon, learned about the powerful work of the Holy Spirit, and was elected squad leader of my World Race squad.
But I also really had come face-to-face with sin. Daily I was presented two options: 1. die to self or 2. remain unchanged and ugly. Some days I made the choice to die to self and was met with revelation and beauty, but most days I choose my old self and walked around with a hard heart and empty hands.
My deepest memory of Mozambique is not the beautiful ocean or the amazing life the Lord provided us with, but of the kids at Temane Orphanage. I wish I could say I remember playing with them, or loving on them, but I don’t. I don’t remember being changed by their joy. I don’t remember laughing with them and fetching water with them.
I chose unhappiness. Every day the Lord gave me a chance to get to know wonderful children. Children that He created and loved; and he asked me to love them. And I said no.
My deepest memory of that country is saying no. No to change, no to sacrifice, no to love, no to God.
The minute I got on that plane to Thailand I regretted it.
God’s grace and mercy is so big that He didn’t hold it against me. He didn’t daily remind me of my sin, but He did daily give me another chance. That is the beauty of the Lord.
Andrew Shearman makes one promise to all World Racers: Every day we will have the chance to give our lives away. And I can honestly say they fulfill that promise. Each day was a new opportunity to fall more in love with Jesus and less in love with myself. Each day was another day to say yes.
I got off the plane in Bangkok with a YES in my Spirit. And the funny thing is, the more I say YES, the more Jesus says YES.
