Five days ago, I passed off my guitar to an attendant at the gate, boarded a plane with 35 of my favorite people (and rice paddy hats galore), and squished past the lady in 39G to find myself next to some of my squadmates despite not having booked my ticket with the group. Somewhere in the airspace between Ho Chi Minh City and Taipei, J Squad began to realize that the rain delay in SGN meant that they were going to have to bust their way off that Airbus A330, book it to their connecting flight to LAX, and somehow say goodbye to me before that. Every other passenger in that back cabin seemed to know my name when I got off that plane, since half of my squad was calling it to say goodbye as we landed. I snagged a quick hug from all the J Squad members behind me as I stood right outside the door to the plane and they passed by me, in the style of an African church goodbye (except in this case, the hugs were as quick as possible instead of a drawn-out multiple-grasp your-message-was-very-short-but-very-“powerf” wow-I’m-shaking-hands-with-a-mzungu handshake).
The hour-ish I had of “alone time” with Taiwanese immigration officers and baggage claim wasn’t quite enough to start feeling any emotions before I saw my dad snapping candid photos of me as I marched through the “Nothing to Declare” gate towards Post-Race Life. In some ways, being here in Taiwan is still a lot like the World Race: I’m eating street food and drinking out of sealed plastic cups, “alone time” looks more like sticking my earbuds in and trying really hard to ignore people, and I’m sleeping on the floor in a small room with my sisters (but these mattresses are way more comfortable than my sleeping pad). At the same time, though, being away from my J Squad family makes life as I know it now so much more difficult.
My World Race community was probably my favorite thing about the World Race. If you’ve ever talked to a World Racer or stalked blogs, you’ve probably heard a million things about community on the Race. It might be the hardest thing about this journey, but it’s also the most rewarding. More than daily ministry or off-day adventures, my community has stretched me, loved me, and taught me more about who God is and who I am. I’m no longer surrounded by people who are constantly watching me and watching out for me, pushing me into harder and better things while also giving me grace. It’s harder to keep digging deeper into who God is and who He says I am without them pushing me into it.
My teammates witnessed the transformation I experienced on the Race, and they encouraged me to push into it rather than holding me to what I’ve known, done, and been. I was a chronic people-pleaser and perfectionist, but I’m finally starting to believe that what I have to contribute is important and beautiful even in its unfinished and imperfect state. I put Band-Aid answers on questions that dug a little too deep, but my teammates asked those same questions and we shared ideas about God, church, art, and humanity that helped us address those. I used to deny that I had feelings, but we all shared empathy and sympathy with each other, helping me to better understand both myself and others. We spent so much time together that we saw ways that we were growing and ways we could grow more, and we took time to point those things out and walk alongside each other in our growth. We understood each other at another level having shared such a life-changing journey.
I’m writing this in the past tense, knowing this season has come to a close. As the song goes, though, this is not the end; this is not the end of us. I have yet to process the end of this season and feel all the feelings that an ending comes with, but I’m looking forward to whatever comes next. I want to invite you, friends/family/fellow human beings, into community and intentional relationships wherever you will be in this season. This is not the end: this is not the end of the transformations God began on the World Race; and this is not the end of us: this is not the end of our pursuit of God in community. Honestly, this next chapter terrifies me, but I don’t believe that God will leave any of us hanging. We have to be willing to fight for community just like we had to fight on the World Race. The next season may look completely different, but I’m declaring that it will be good.
I find it a little funny that we don’t declare anything on our march through customs (also an interesting word choice) into post-Race life, because there is so much to declare. I’m going to sound really World-Racey and cliché here, but here’s something I believe is incredibly powerful. One of the things we tell each other to do on the Race is to “speak life”, not letting words and fears create negative attitudes and expectations of something less than the best of what God has for us. So I’m declaring this next season to be one of further up and further in, one of deeper understanding of who God is and who He says we are. I’m declaring this next season to be one of understanding each other better, and one of learning how to love each other better. I’m declaring this next season to be one of pursuing God in community and one of fighting for His grace and justice as His hands and feet. I’m declaring that this is not the end.
