Writing my thoughts down has not come easy to me this month, and I’m starting to realize that it is because the last few weeks has felt like an out-of-body experience. We arrived in Cusco, Peru last week and are settled into our routine of ministry. This month my team is working with Darwin and Annie who recently planted a church here in Cusco and do outreach in a nearby village with about 30 sweet kiddos. I’ve quickly fallen head over heels for this place, its people, and the cool mountain weather that reminds me of home.
However, while this first week here has been unbelievably cool, it has felt like someone else’s life. Sometimes I would look around and simply feel out of place. You see, the enemy is getting clever in the way he attacks me and since arriving in Peru, he has targeted my emotions. I am typically a positive person who rarely gets angry about anything. This week, I’ve had a lot of anger. I’ve gotten irritated easily and for no valid reason. These emotions were not me and made me feel like someone I was looking at from the outside. Going through the motions, while not feeling fully present or in control, created a weird haze that started creeping between me and the Father. That is, until yesterday.
Yesterday was our first day going into the village of Chinchero, Peru for the outreach program with the kids of the village. My mind felt clearer when I woke up in the morning and I knew it was going to be a good day, but I had no idea. This village cannot be describe as anything but beautiful. The landscape is straight out of book of fairytales and even as I stood in the midst of it, it didn’t seem real. The Lord’s creativity never ceases to amaze me.
The kids started to arrive a little before 3 pm and I was full of excitement and nerves as we greeted them in our broken Spanish. One of the first girls there was Flor. I got down on my knees and tried to meet her eyes but she was dodging me and refused to speak. Of course, my heart was instantly pulled to her. As more and more kiddos tentatively walked in the door, scanning the gringas (white women) with wide eyes, I made my way around introducing myself and trying (and failing) to learn all their names. After some jump rope and one intense game of hot potato, we officially started the program with songs. I swung my arms in the air and stomped my feet in my best attempt to follow the dance moves we had learned the day before, but catch Flor out of the corner of my eye sitting in a chair.
I keep my eyes on her until the end of the song and then slip out of line and bend down in front of her. She still won’t meet my eyes. I ask if she wants to dance and she ever so slightly shakes her head no. I ask if I can sit by her. No response. I take that as a yes. I then notice the far-off look in her eyes and the slumping of her shoulders. This girl is exhausted. I ask if I can put my arm around her and she slowly nods. Yes! Progress! As I cuddle up next to this sweet girl I start to notice things like the black dress shoes hiding under a thick layer of mud, the faded pink flowers on her jeans, and how she folds her hands so delicately in her lap. I instinctively reach for one of those hands and am shocked by how cold they are. I take both between my own and lightly massage some life back into them. Before long I feel Flor’s body relax against my own, all her tension released and she fits in the curve of me as if it were made just for her. As I glance down over the brim of her bonnet, I find her fast asleep. We stayed like that for the rest of the songs and I couldn’t imagine wanting to be anywhere in the world more than right there with Flor in my arms.
The day continued to fill my spirit as I watched all the kids so engaged with the Bible story about the Ten Commandments and later recite their memory verse. The children of Chinchero are so eager to learn and some of the most well behaved kids I’ve ever had to pleasure to hang out with. The day filled my spirit in a way that broke the hold the enemy had on my emotions and I was able to be fully present. I felt love for the kids that could only possibly be from the Father and I looked out at the landscape feeling fully present and clear minded. The enemy had a strong grip on me and I was letting him have control, but my Father knows me well and knows that there is not much in the world that I love more than to cuddle babies. Again, my Father shows his love for me by allowing me to show it to others. I love that.
As we drove away from the village down the curvy mountain roads, I declared to the enemy that he no longer had a hold on me and I would not let him shadow this journey. The Lord sent me here to love his people well and I am so thankful that I got the opportunity to love on Flor. It turned out that she is actually very sick and that is why she was so tired, I ask that you keep Flor in your prayers, that when we go back next week she is well and happy and ready to dance.
“Whoever embraces one of these children as I do, embraces me, and far more than me – God who sent me.”
Mark 9:37
With love,
Lina
