Change does not scare me. Change is exciting and good and usually necessary for growth. However, within the past month, my life, race, and mission are all headed in a completely new direction and I can’t pretend there hasn’t been a fair share of fear in the process.
Currently, I am sitting in a coffee shop in Manila, Philippines but let me back up and tell ya about a phone call I received while sitting beach side in Indonesia about 4 weeks ago.
Getting on the phone with our Alumni Squad Leaders, Myles and Teagan, was a treat and I assumed they simply wanted to check in with me and give some encouragement. The conversation began just as such, checking in on where my head and heart are at. I loved sharing with them how the Father had been revealing some cool things to me during our time in Indonesia. Then I felt a slight shift in the conversation. They had something more to talk to me about. Yikes. I had a brief panic of where this chat could possibly go, but then I heard Myles say “We would like to invite you into the role of Raised Up Squad Leader.” Well shoot.
Let me back up again and explain. At the end of our 4th month on the Race, a ton of changes happen. This is where our first major team change happens, roles change on the teams, and this is where leadership asks two members of our squad to take up the role of Squad Leaders. During month 5, the Alumni Squad Leaders train the Raised Up Squad Leaders and at the end of that month the Alumni go home and the rest of us move on to month 6 with new SQLs in place. There was so much talk among the squad leading up to the change about what new teams might look like and who of our peers would be asked to join leadership. While in Peru, Kat asked me if I would take the position if they asked me. My response was a firm NO. There were several others more qualified, I didn’t want the responsibility, nor was I willing to surrender the race I had signed up for. I didn’t have any type of role on the squad and honestly I was perfectly fine keeping it that way.
Let’s get back to the beach side call where I am now being asked to step into everything I didn’t want or feel I deserved. I told them I would pray about it. In the moment, I was surprised and scared. I was one of the last people I guessed they might ask, and I didn’t really want to say yes. I spent A LOT of time in prayer about it over the next several days. My prayers were 1. For the Lord to reveal to me that this was in fact his desire for me and my race and 2. That if it was his plan, he would change the desire of my heart and that I could say yes to their invitation with 100% certainty and excitement.
It did not take the Father long to both confirm that leadership did not make a mistake, this was his desire for me and the squad, and fill my heart with such joy and hope for this new direction. I called Myles and Teagan back a few days later and accepted the position of Squad Leader. Then the hardest part came. It was still 2 full weeks until debrief and no one on my team could know that I had just agreed to give up being on a normal team, and was walking into a position I really didn’t know all that much about. WOOF. For the past 4 months my team and I shared nearly everything with one another. And here I was with this HUGE thing that I just had to sit on for 2 weeks. I had to continuously give the position over to God, because otherwise I would have spent far too much time thinking about it and had not been present during my final weeks with my team and at an incredible ministry. PRAISE JESUS, he gave me some grace by calling Nichol, my teammate, into squad leading also and we were able to walk through the craziness together.
Coming back to today, I have officially been in my position for about 2 weeks. The rest of the squad was put into their new teams and went off to their ministries for the month. Nichol and I stayed back in Manila for a few days with the rest of leadership to get to know our new team and do some training. Training continues throughout the month and has been tough at times. It is not an easy position to step into and the enemy seems always ready to pounce during weak moments. But God comes to combat the enemy and I am so so thankful to have Nichol alongside me through it all.
I realize some of you might not know all a Squad Leader does, and if I’m being honest, I’m still learning a lot myself. On a basic level my ministry is now to serve, encourage, and love the squad. I came on the race with the mission of serving the people of these nations, and while I still have opportunity to do that, my priority mission is the squad. I will do check ins with the members of our squad to see how their hearts are, and to encourage their walk toward intimacy with the Father Nichol and I also serve as the liaison between the squad and leadership back home. This ministry is people oriented and we must trust that the Holy Spirit is going to equip us with the words and wisdom to serve this squad well.
I realize some of you might be thinking this isn’t what I signed up for when I applied for the Race, and this might not be what you signed up for when you agreed to support me. However, I have complete confidence that this was in fact what the Lord was calling me into all along. My Race is different now, I am not part of a team like the rest of the squad, and this was something I had to grieve and surrender.
Today, I pray that the Father continues to guide me as I start down this new path. I pray for the wisdom and humility to always point this squad to the Father first. I pray that my World Race is glorifying God and fulfilling his desires.
Thank you all for your continued support and prayers!
With love,
Lina
