I know what you’re thinking; Jeez Allie, are you seriously the most bummed because you have to say goodbye to your dog for a year?
Answer: yes. I am legitimately super bummed. Mostly because she’s the only one who “gets me” simply because she doesn’t get me at all. Abbey is the most care-free, uninformed, silly, sometimes smelly companion that I know and I will absolutely miss her more than anything. I’ll miss her drooling glare when I’m eating pizza on the couch, her eager anticipation for “that time” when we go outside to toss frisbee, her comforting sleepiness when I’m sick and just want to snuggle. I know it sounds silly but just bear with me – the reason it’s so hard to say goodbye to her is because she doesn’t understand that I’m coming back. For all she knows, she’ll sit at the door every day expecting her mama to walk through; to no avail. Someday a year from now she’ll see me. For now, I’m able to look forward to that day we’re reunited and she pees all over the floor.
All pets aside, saying goodbye is hard in general. It’s hard to give someone a hug and hold on to that “see you later” rather than to dwell on the more final “so-long.” I’ve struggled over the last few weeks with my human goodbye’s. In the past I always just disappeared before I’d have to face the tears, the hugs, the feelings I am now learning to embrace. My previous self almost got the best of me the other day when I told my best friend to cancel my goodbye party; she wouldn’t (and I’m mega thankful!) The thought of “all eyes on me” is terrifying but I’m going to straight envelope myself in it and thrive in that awkward hug!
On the other side of simple goodbye’s and see you later’s is a more pressing emotion – the attacks of worry. I’ve been hit HARD over the last week or so, wondering if this person is going to be okay, or if that guy is going to need me while I’m gone, or if my whoever is going to be alright when she finds out what’s medically going on with her, or if my parents are going to miss me too much. All of the “what if’s” and “should haves” flood my mind and have really put a damper on my final days before launch. In my quiet time this morning (which I honestly wouldn’t have had if my friend wasn’t an hour late to coffee – thanks Jesus) I was thinking: what’s the point of the enemy trying to keep my mind on things concerning home? How would he benefit, how would the kingdom be influenced if I wasn’t 100% focused on the mission?
I gave myself the goal of being fully funded before launch for that exact reason: so that I could be focused on the task at hand, not concerned about fundraising or keeping in touch with potential donors at home – and the enemy comes back at me with worrying about my dog’s feelings? How silly is the human mind that we’re so easily taken off-course by such a thing.
I’m so thankful to have a God who convicts me. It’s so easy for us as fallible beings to become distracted from the ultimate mission, and He knows that. Not every day does He purposely force me to make time for Him, but He did today, and I’m so so grateful! It just comes to show that Jesus does know and care about the big and the little things – whether it be a year-long mission trip where our every step is protected by His plan, or the heartache of saying “see you later” to your best friend. No matter what, Jesus knows, and He cares. And I know that while I’m away, sweet Abbey will be getting hugs from Him in her dreams until I return… and what a joyous reunion it will be.
“every little thing gonna be alright” – bm
