So, I want to tell you a story. On my birthday one of the squad leaders, Lucas, called me out. He basically recognized the depression in me and told me that I don’t have to live that way. To recap my previous blog, "Beneath the Pavement", I never realized that I was still trapped in depression. This month God has been prying it off of me little by little. Lucas told me that I should let others in to help me along the way. But I was afraid to do that. For some time people were prophesying joy over me and it was beginning to break me down. I have never viewed myself as joyful. I always assumed I’d live my life trying not to be the “Debbie Downer”.
So with that, I was being filled with a little more joy each day and I slowly started to feel some freedom from the depression, and my grip on it and the comfort it gave me began to dissolve. "Beneath the Pavement" was my first step in letting others in. Just typing it literally scared the crap out of me and it took a lot of courage to post. I still hadn’t spoken it to anyone on my team though and I knew I had to eventually. We had an all-night worship a week after my b-day and God spoke to me about letting it go for good. People were prophesying to me things that just confirmed the fact that it was time to let it go. It was time to speak it out. In between sobs and gasping for breath I was able to get it out and the entire squad surrounded me and prayed and just poured their love on me. The Holy Spirit moved as they were praying and the depression left me! The chains are broken! I could literally feel the weight of 8+ years of bondage lift off of me. I AM FREE! Future generations are free from this! I woke up the happiest girl in the world. I never knew I could feel this way. I know there will be tough days ahead, but at least I can now recognize the authority I have over what I am feeling and choose to not let it take over me.
On the same day before worship, I got a tattoo. It's of a tree with bright green leaves and a key embedded in the trunk growing out of an upside down world. "Blessed are the peacemakers” is written as a branch. It’s beautiful but it gained sooo much more significance than I had expected. I will always be reminded of the freedom I received that night. Funny thing, the Lord told me what it meant for me after I got it. I am like a tree planted in the Kingdom of Heaven. I hold the keys to freedom and my inheritance in Christ as a peacemaker makes me a daughter of the living King. My leaves, my life, bring healing to the nations.
Praise the Lord there's more to life than we may even realize!
