I spent a few days this month at the construction site doing nothing more than moving dirt, a small, yet significant task. It started out a mountain of dirt in the middle of the soon to be birthing clinic. In order for the foundation to be laid or any building to begin the dirt had to be moved out of the way. My original question was why not get some sort of machinery to do the trick? Jeff’s (the mastermind behind K.I.M) response was, why do that when there are plenty of able bodies to get the work done? Ok, so it won’t be easy but then again I didn’t sign up for easy.
This is a perfect metaphor for the way God has been stretching me this month. I, like most people on planet Earth, have a lot of dirt in my life that needs to be removed in order for God’s bigger picture to take place. Slowly God has been helping me remove that dirt one shovelful at a time. All that loose dirt gets moved pretty easily but eventually I reached a layer of old pavement. Pavement that has been there so long it seems like it became part of the earth, but it’s essential it gets torn out because there’s still deeper to dig. This layer of pavement is not so easy to move. It takes a heavy pick ax to pry it up. Once this layer is completely torn out I know the rest won’t be quite as hard. But of course Jesus never said following him would be easy. He has a plan and a place He wants to take us but there’s always work to be done before we can get there, and getting there is all part of the plan as well.
So I’ve hit the pavement this month. Depression has been something I have dealt with for a very long time. God did save me and pick me up during the darkest time of my depression and I thought that was enough. Things were no longer as bad and I could see the silver lining again. What I didn’t realize was that I had settled in to a comfortable place with depression. It became something I dealt with so naturally. Whenever it came I would accept it gracefully and allow myself to sink into that place of indifference. The depression controlled me, I didn’t control it. It affected not only my mood, but relationships, and the way I saw myself. I was constantly falling short of this bar I set too high for any natural human being. Inevitably I saw myself as no good. This way of thinking became natural and since it wasn’t as bad as before I never thought that I could be even better. Depression has become so ingrained in me that it’s scary and almost hurts to remove. God loves me too much to just leave me there and let me deal with it for the rest of my life. He wants me to move on to the next chapter of my life without this thorn in my side. Now I have hope and I know that I can have freedom from this.
You make known to me the path of life;
you will fill me with joy in your presence,
with eternal pleasures at your right hand. Psalm 16:11
I spent a few days this month at the construction site doing nothing more than moving dirt, a small, yet significant task. It started out a mountain of dirt in the middle of the soon to be birthing clinic. In order for the foundation to be laid or any building to begin the dirt had to be moved out of the way. My original question was why not get some sort of machinery to do the trick? Jeff’s (the mastermind behind K.I.M) response was, why do that when there are plenty of able bodies to get the work done? Ok, so it won’t be easy but then again I didn’t sign up for easy.
This is a perfect metaphor for the way God has been stretching me this month. I, like most people on planet Earth, have a lot of dirt in my life that needs to be removed in order for God’s bigger picture to take place. Slowly God has been helping me remove that dirt one shovelful at a time. All that loose dirt gets moved pretty easily but eventually I reached a layer of old pavement. Pavement that has been there so long it seems like it became part of the earth, but it’s essential it gets torn out because there’s still deeper to dig. This layer of pavement is not so easy to move. It takes a heavy pick ax to pry it up. Once this layer is completely torn out I know the rest won’t be quite as hard. But of course Jesus never said following him would be easy. He has a plan and a place He wants to take us but there’s always work to be done before we can get there, and getting there is all part of the plan as well.
So I’ve hit the pavement this month. Depression has been something I have dealt with for a very long time. God did save me and pick me up during the darkest time of my depression and I thought that was enough. Things were no longer as bad and I could see the silver lining again. What I didn’t realize was that I had settled in to a comfortable place with depression. It became something I dealt with so naturally. Whenever it came I would accept it gracefully and allow myself to sink into that place of indifference. The depression controlled me, I didn’t control it. It affected not only my mood, but relationships, and the way I saw myself. I was constantly falling short of this bar I set too high for any natural human being. Inevitably I saw myself as no good. This way of thinking became natural and since it wasn’t as bad as before I never thought that I could be even better. Depression has become so ingrained in me that it’s scary and almost hurts to remove. God loves me too much to just leave me there and let me deal with it for the rest of my life. He wants me to move on to the next chapter of my life without this thorn in my side. Now I have hope and I know that I can have freedom from this.
You make known to me the path of life;
you will fill me with joy in your presence,
with eternal pleasures at your right hand. Psalm 16:11
