Operating within an essentially “on-the-go” environment for 11 months demands light travel. In fact, with one large pack and one smaller backpack, traveling under certain restrictions is both a necessity and requirement for racers. As July turned to August, August to September, and September to October, I have been steadily accumulating gear while forming an attack plan for packing my life into two backpacks. Well, that would have been the ideal. The reality was a much different story, which can be blamed on my personal burden of procrastination and minimization of the need to plan. So, gathering “the essentials” did not play out as a well rehearsed and thought through process, rather resembled a wild goose chase as my mom and I frantically scrambled up and down the aisles of REI (more times than I can count) wasting both energy and gas. The days ticked by and I mentally packed and repacked my bag multiple times, failing to translate my scattered thoughts onto a piece of paper. After training camp, I was forced to confront this issue of what to bring and what not to bring head on. I returned with determination and conviction about not only my spiritual life, but also what the essentials actually were. I felt confident in my ability to thoughtfully prepare myself for the year, carefully analyzing what I would need without relying on anyone else’s lists or ideas. It was time to perform a test pack. I gathered everything I was going to bring and organized it in the packing cubes I had bought earlier that day. I placed, stacked, and zipped. A wave of relief and accomplishment washed over me. I had fit everything in my bag that I wanted to bring!
***10 minutes later***
Terror struck when I soon realized all of the things I had forgotten. I am not talking about one or two things — I had forgotten jackets, toiletries, and my hammock that I had been so excited about. With every missing item I remembered, my heart sank a little more. I took a few days off from the packing dilemma, despite multiple pokes from my mom, urging me to get the last minute things and make the final trip to REI (again, so much gas wasted). Yet again, my nature of procrastination had reentered the scene. Nevertheless, I am currently on my way to launch, so it did get done eventually. Turns out the ruthless killer of procrastination is time. As Oct. 6 came closer and closer, I was finally forced to tackle the issue. In the end, it worked out…I guess. Time might answer that uncertainty as well.
But I think that is the truth that I have come to discover in this packing process. As I spoke with friends and family about the seemingly insurmountable struggle that was packing 11 months into a 40 pound bag, they offered words of advice regarding what defined an essential and what did not. Everyone had varied opinions: How many shirts were necessary? Socks? Quick-drying gear? Tent or no tent? Ultimately, considering the do’s and don’ts of packing became exhausting and overwhelming — the reason I had procrastinated as long as I did. I don’t want to forcefully make the whole packing fiasco become some sort of metaphor for life, but I’m probably gonna do it anyway.
The reality is, you can’t see the days before you. God does not give us that knowledge, nor should we want it. Fitting everything you could possibly need into one bag is not only impossible due to the lack of space, but also because we do not have the luxury of knowing exactly what we will need in the days, weeks, or months to come. How can you prepare for something if you do not even know what the something is? We receive unexpected news of illness, experience the death of a loved one, or fall into financial distress. Disaster strikes — that’s life. We are then forced to turn our reaction into response. It would be convenient if we had a neatly organized kit stocked with everything we may need to handle anything ever. But unfortunately, I didn’t find one of these on Amazon. That is the truth that I have been forced to accept. As cliche as this may sound, the promise upon which we can peacefully rest, is that God gives us what we need when we need it. Obviously I could flip through and find a number of verses in the Bible related to this lesson, but I will just leave a few verses in Luke that calmed my anxiety the most.
“For life consists of far more than food and clothing…” (Luke 12:23)
“And don’t worry about food — what to eat and drink. Don’t worry whether God will provide it for you. These things dominate the thoughts of most people, but your Father already knows your needs. He will give you all you need from day to day if you make the Kingdom of God your primary concern.” (Luke 12:29-30)
Last night while leaving my grandma’s house after a final goodbye, as she stood on the front porch and I was walking to my car, she shouted, “Alli, do you have everything you need?” I turned around trying to find a way to answer. Materially, probably not.
But do I have everything I need? Whelp, I got God, so yeah, I think I do.
