In T Minus 17 hours my squad and I will be departing for Columbia. I had anticipated that leaving would be bittersweet, but it honestly just feels sweet right now. The last few months have been filled with fundraising, purchasing and returning items to pack into my backpack that will be my only possessions for the next 11 months, preparing mentally/spiritually, and tearful goodbyes… but now the much anticipated day has come and the Lord has placed a sense of peace on my heart with a nudge of saying “it’s time.” However, it wasn’t always so, and I want to share with you all a story of what got me to that place.
The last few days I have been at “Launch,” which is when our squad meets back together for a few days of training and worship together before heading off on our World Race. I am part of both an amazing Team (6 people) and Squad (29 people) that are going to South America. I see so many gifts in all of my new sisters and brother in Christ, that I started to question my own spiritual gifts and what I would be bringing to the team. I feared that I would let my team down or hold them back. Why is it always so much easier to see the good in others rather than ourselves? All day I had been praying and talking with both God and my team about these fears I had. The Lord tells us multiple times in the bible that we are made in his image and that he has chosen us to further his kingdom, and so I found comfort in that…but there was still a small part of me that was struggling with it.
Then last night was our last night of worship together with the other Squads leaving this August and Lord yet again revealed himself when I needed it most (crazy how I still haven’t gotten used to this yet). While singing worship songs I heard the lord telling me to sit down and just listen… so I sat down and closed my eyes… and the Lord gave me a vision. My vision was of darkness. It wasn’t your normal keep your eyes closed dark, it was the darkest dark I’ve ever experienced, with no sign of any light anywhere. My eyes felt like someone had sewn them shut, and I couldn’t have opened them even if I wanted to. I kept asking the Lord, what are you showing me? What else is there? There can’t just be darkness? And then something I never expected happened, one of my squadmates, Kaitlyn, sat down next to me and said, “this might be weird, but the Lord gave me a vision for you. He showed me a shooting star that represents you. You are the light in darkness. You are meant to be here and the Lord will use you to make a great difference in his Kingdom. All he needs is your willingness. And like a shooting star, continue to look forward not backwards.” I of course immediately bust into tears! Not only had the Lord answered the things that I had been struggling most with these past few days, but he also did it in such a powerful and undeniable way. He truly never ceases to amaze me!
I will never forget that moment. I can’t wait to see what else the Lord has in store for our squad while we are on this journey, because this is only the beginning. I am going out into his kingdom more confident and willing, knowing that it will be really hard but that if I continue to press into him that miracles will happen and his kingdom will grow. I am ready for him to use me as a light in the darkness. I’m not looking back, but moving forward.
