I’m almost 2 months in to this crazy ride of preparing for the World Race and the Lord has already started turning my life upside down and showing me exactly who He is.
Let me tell you guys—if you’ve never had to fundraise before, it is HARD. It’s hard to come up with creative ideas. It’s hard to keep up with everything and make sure that you’re staying on top of it (even for a list freak like me). It’s hard to have to ask people for support. It’s hard to be vulnerable in that way, depending on everyone else. It’s hard to trust that the Lord truly will provide for your needs, even if it is a little slow going at first. It is truly a step of faith in itself.
In all of this, the whirlwind of all that has happened in the last 2 months and all that will happen in the coming year, I can’t help finding myself feeling like Peter as he stepped out of the safety of his boat and onto the surface of the water—all to see if Jesus really is who He says He is.
Matthew 14:27-28 says:
But Jesus immediately said to them: “Take courage! It is I. Don’t be afraid.” “Lord, if it’s you,” Peter replied, “tell me to come to you on the water.”
“Lord, if it’s you, do this…” Why do we so often, like Peter, ask God to prove Himself? Jesus came from the perfection of Heaven, seated beside God Himself, to this wretched Earth to SUFFER and DIE for this man and every other human being, and the very ones He came to save have the nerve to not only question, but TEST His authenticity and authority.
So how does Jesus respond?
He simply says “Come”
He doesn’t condemn Peter for testing Him—He easily could’ve struck him down right there. Even when we over and over again just need to be reminded, one more time, of who He is, He doesn’t get tired of it or condemn us for asking. Instead, he graciously invites Peter, and all of us, into a deeper understanding of who He is.
Now let’s look at how Peter responds to this invitation:
Matthew 14:29-30 says:
Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, “Lord, save me!”
Now this part is what really gets me. Peter WALKED ON WATER.. crazy enough in itself to make me believe that maybe this Jesus guy really knows what He’s talking about.. and then as soon as he sees a storm coming he gets scared again and loses all faith. Now doesn’t it make sense that if Jesus could not only walk on water Himself but could also make Peter walk on water, maybe He could also get Peter out of a storm?
The thing is, it’s easy for us to look back at Peter and think “Wow that was dumb”, but aren’t we guilty of the same thing? I know I am. I started out on this whole World Race journey because I wanted to step out in faith, much like Peter did, and see what the Lord could really do. Sure it was easy at first to be so confident in the Lord, confident that Jesus could carry me through anything, much like Peter took those first few steps towards Jesus confidently.
But then we see a storm… and like Peter, we lose faith… and like Peter, we start to drown.
When I started this journey I didn’t realize how hard it would be. I didn’t realize how much I would be tested, how many storms would come my way. I’m sure that I still don’t. You see, like Peter, I sometimes look around at the storms surrounding me, at the winds that I have to get through to get to Jesus. I look at the facts, at the numbers of this situation. I look at this huge number, $15,800, and I wonder if I’ll ever be able to reach it. I think about having to hike 3 miles in 50 minutes with my 50 pound pack on at training camp and I wonder if I’ll ever be able to do that. I think about speaking at churches, in front of a congregation of believers, telling my story, and I wonder how I’ll ever be able to express what I’m feeling. I look at my faults and my failures and my inadequacies and I wonder how in the world I ever fooled anyone into thinking that I could do this. I look at all of these things and I take my eyes off of Jesus.
Just when I think I’m surely about to drown, when I’m ready to give up, I, like Peter, cry out to my savior and my redeemer saying: “Lord save me!”
And what does He do?
Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. “You of little faith,” he said, “why did you doubt?”
Sweet, gracious, merciful Jesus. Just when I think I’m drowning, immediately He reaches out His hand and catches me. Just when I think I need to throw in the towel on this whole World Race thing, my sweet friend Jesus reminds me to just look at Him. Just keep my eyes on Him. This was His plan from the beginning and from the time He created me He knew that this day would come. He already knew just what amount I would have to raise. He already knew all of my faults and my failures and my inadequacies. He already knew all of the insecurities I would have and how terrified I would be about the whole thing. He already knew that I would take my eyes off of Him and that I would start to drown and that He would have to pull me back up again—and He does so time and time again, patiently and graciously and lovingly.
Jeremiah 1:5 says
“Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations.”
Even when I feel like I’m getting overwhelmed by all of this stuff that I have to do and I feel like I’m just getting hit by all of this stuff that I didn’t expect, He knew it all along. Why do I have such little faith? This is His plan. This is His journey. He just chose me to work through. I am called to be His hands and feet, even among all of my faults and failures, because in truth He gets the most glory when he calls the unqualified. Patiently He reminds me daily that He truly is who He says He is and He will do what He says He’s going to do. He has good plans for me, on the World Race and after, and He won’t leave His plans unfinished.
Jeremiah 29:11 says
“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”
As for my World Race journey, as well as this wild journey called life, I’m slowly learning that it isn’t mine. All these storms aren’t mine to battle or even to look at. My only job is to keep my eyes on Jesus and come when He says come.
As for Peter, the end of his story that day goes like this:
And when they climbed into the boat, the wind died down. Then those who were in the boat worshiped him, saying, “Truly you are the Son of God.”
Truly He is, and I will worship Him all of my days because I have the joy and the honor and the privilege to walk out on the water with Him, one step at a time.
