Hey friends.
Been a hot minute.
So, before I answer some questions, I want to take some time to update y’all on my life.
If you’re still reading my blogs, I want to say thank you. You guys have supported me and loved me so well and I’m forever grateful.
As for me, I’m doing okay. Transition home has been HARD. Harder than I ever imagined it would be. I miss my friends. I miss Africa. I miss my carepoint babies. I’m getting used to American life. I’m getting used to rural Tennessee life again. But, it’s taking some time and adjustment. I’m starting to figure out routines and what things bring me life and how to choose in to those things, but it’s weird and it’s stressy and it’s not the most fun and full disclosure: I’m struggling. Here are some of the hard things that you can be praying for:
- Finding community !!!!! I went from living with my best pals 24/7 to feeling like I’m suffocating out in the boonies of northwest Tennessee by myself and I’m STRUGGLING. I need to extrovert. So pray for me to find some pals that live close and love to do things that I also love to do ??
- Finding a ministry to pour into. I feel like I have things to give and no one to give them to right now. Which I know that a lot of that is on me to put the effort in to finding and/or creating those opportunities also so maybe just pray for energy & for open doors!
- Honestly energy/excitement in general. Provision. I feel suuuuuper drained. Also a whole lot like I’m floating in space right now. Not sure what that even means myself but pray for that as you will lolol
- Currently looking for a place to live so also prayers for that because homegirl needs her own space to breathe. I didn’t think it would be a big deal but I’m drowning a little bit without that.
In short, I’m feeling very disoriented/not at home/I have no idea what’s going on or how to live life right now so ya know do what you will with that. Really on the struggle right now if I’m being honest. I’m sorry that words to explain that is not something that I have right now but my goal is to be as authentic and vulnerable as possible and this is what I have. So prayers, encouragement, whatever ya got is appreciated.
Right now I’m mostly working (finally got a job, praise Jesus) and trying to figure out some next steps. I do plan on going back to school. I’m not sure when exactly, but I plan on doing classes online and pursuing something in/around the counseling field but again, full disclosure: I really have no idea what I’m doing. Short term goals are to move out, to start taking some classes, and to find some kind of ministry to pour into. Long(ish) term goal is to save up enough to move to a city (New York or Seattle, I’m lookin at you) to do street ministry//maybe get involved in some church planting while also working and going to school. And eventually get a degree in counseling, maybe go for masters honestly don’t know??? And start a counseling practice and/or open a halfway house for women. Lots more questions than answers but that’s what I got right now, ya know?
Greatttttt, let’s answer some questions !!!!
- What is the most important thing that God taught you while on the race?
Ahhhh a good one! Also SO hard though. I would say THE most important thing that God taught me was that He is the end all be all of every single thing. He’s the answer to every question, the provision for every need, the end of every desire. It all begins and ends with Him. And that’s WILD. As I’ve gotten to dig in deeper into His character and just who He is I’ve been totally blown away. After seeing and experiencing so many things I’ve truly learned and there’s no question in my mind that it all begins and ends with Him and that’s a rock solid foundation of faith that I’ll stand on for the rest of my life.
- What has been hard faith-wise / relationship-with-God-wise about being back in America?
Also a REAL good one. I think the hardest thing for me has been standing on the truth that the Lord is the same here as He is all across the world. On the race it’s almost easy to be intimate with the Father because you have a jillion hours to spend with Him and nothing else to do and nothing to distract you from pursuing Him. But here I’ve had to hardcore battle numbing my thoughts/feelings with the internet. Whether that be social media or Netflix or whatever the case may be, it’s super easy to just zone out and not have to stop and think about anything. And right now with emotions running high it’s been even easier to do that because I would much rather watch criminal minds for 4 hours than sit in silence and be forced to face reality and feel the things. There’s been so many times (usually in the car because then there’s no distractions hahaha) that I’ve just had to remind myself that God is the same, and therefore I am the same and carry the same authority and the same stability, here in America as in the African bush. There’s no difference other than my perspective, but it’s still an intentional choice I have to make every day to let the Lord change my perspective and remind me of the truth.
- What about the Race made it “worth it”?
For me I think what really made it worth it was the growth. Even on the hardest of days I knew that I was right where I was supposed to be and that the Lord was using it to grow me and shift my perspective and that’s what made it worth it for me and kept me there in the hardest times. I wanted and was ready to go to the deepest hardest places with God because I was in a place where I really needed to get down to that and know for sure that hes real and this is the real deal. So knowing that I was at that turning point in my life kept me there and looking back now on all the growth that I experienced really makes me know for sure that it was worth it.
- What are some of the hardest things that resulted in the most growth?
Ah SO many things. Community was a big one for sure. Before the race I kinda just coasted along by myself because it seemed safer with less risk and required minimal effort on my part/a very minimal amount of knowing myself. If someone did something I didn’t like I could just leave and didn’t have to worry about it anymore and I could tell myself that it wasn’t my fault and never had to look deeper than the surface of my character/personality or deeper into anyone else’s. But really truly choosing in to building deep relationships???? That’s HARD. It requires sacrifice. It requires patience. It requires a deep capacity for empathy and the ability to see things from other people’s perspective, even if you don’t want to. It requires knowing yourself: the good things and the bad things. It requires selflessness. It requires the v word (vulnerability) which literally means opening yourself up enough to the point where people hold the power to hurt you. Which are all hard things. I don’t like people having any kind of power over me much less the power to really hurt me lol. But once I really started doing that and living honestly and authentically as who I am and who the Lord created me to be and also started seeing the people around me with the Lords eyes and opening myself up to loving them deeply and being loved by them deeply it was SOOOOOO worth it. And I grew so much in confidence in myself and in my capacity to love people and be loved by people. It’s still scary sometimes but I know that I’ve grown so much literally just in my heart’s capacity to open up. I LOVE HARD THINGS
- What was the hardest challenge mentally?
This one is tough because there were so many things. But the hardest I think was breaking habits and thought patterns. You live your life for so long doing things and thinking and reacting a certain way but when you get in intense community its no longer all about you. All of a sudden you have to think about all these other people and truly see them with the eyes of Jesus to be able to love them well and especially when you’re struggling yourself it’s so hard to do that. It’s hard to shift those thought patterns and actually start thinking about other people more than yourself which sounds selfish to even say that but it’s truly dying to your flesh and that’s not easy. Especially when you’ve been living the way you’ve been living your whole life and then all of a sudden try to shift to a whole different way of thinking.
- What is something that you discovered on the race that you want in your life in America?
SO MANY THINGS. Deeeeeeeep intimacy and connection. With the Father and with people. It’s amazing how deeply connected we can be when we get our faces out of screens and off social media. I’m just as guilty of it as the next person, especially in this season when ive been so hardcore craving that connection, but its SUCH a cheap imitation of the real thing. Social media is NOTHING compared to knowing people’s hearts. I want that so badly here. Like every person I see I’m just like lets go get coffee and talk for 5 hours please. Every day. Okay? Great. But that’s not super real here. It’s just not really an option. And its because we don’t make it one. And like I said, Im JUST as guilty as the next person. But I want so badly to see that be a thing in our culture. Lets frickin ditch social media and BE SOCIAL ok????
- What’s one thing about being home that has been easier than expected? What’s one that has been harder?
Easier: I think morphing back into old habits has been SO much easier than expected. Which is not a good thing hahahahaha. I think I totally underestimated how easy it would be to just hip hop back into life as it was prerace. The human mind is wild. It amazes me how much environment makes a difference in how you think/feel/perceive the world around you. Back in old environment easily=back in old mindset. Which is crazy after how much I KNOW that I grew on the race. But grace ya know? Praise God.
Harder: setting a schedule for sure. I think I pictured having so much free time and being so intentional and doing so many things and literally my time since the race has been a black hole. I have no idea what I do every day. I know that it’s not the things I want to do lol. It’s definitely been hard to have vision/set goals and stick to them and make those habits that I want a real life thing.
- How much do you miss Kyleigh Luckett?
On a scale of 1-10? A MILLION. + 5. So, like, a lot.
Y’all, answering these was so much fun!!!!! If you have more questions or just want to talk or hang out or be friends plz don’t hesitate. I love people. And I love good conversation. Also really love philosophical/existential questions so if you’re a weird one with that like me also hit me up with those ?? Let’s get coffee and talk for 5 hours!!!!!! Just kidding. But not really.
Love yall a whole lot.
Maybe in the near future I’ll get my life together and have somewhat coherent thoughts to share?? No promises but we can hope. At the end of the day, truly God is good. SO good. And I’ve experienced things thanks to His freaking GOODNESS that no part of me deserves and that’s WILD. If you don’t know Him, check it out. Ask questions. There’s no pressure, but He’s totally big enough to handle whatever questions you have. And I would LOVE to battle that out with you if you want someone to walk through it with you.
Ok I’m done now.
Bye!!!!!
All my heart,
Alley
