As I sit in the bathroom of a random hostel in Yangon, Myanmar at 1:30 am because I think I’m going to be sick for the 5th time tonight… honestly, I’m pissed. Yes, you read that right. I am pissed.
I have never had more stomach issues than I have in the last 5 months.
I have never been sick just in general more than in the last 5 months.
I’m sick of being sick.
I’m sick of everything being hard.
I’m sick of people not speaking the same language as me.
Im sick of horns honking literally everywhere all of the time.
I’m sick of the strange smells that are the rest of the world.
I’m sick of strange food.
I’m sick of not being able to be by myself ever.
I’m sick of carrying toilet paper around in my backpack because asia apparently doesn’t believe in it.
I’m sick of sweating all. the. time.
I’m sick of hearing Buddhist prayers over a loud speaker 24/7.
I’m sick of living life for other people.
I just don’t want to anymore, ya know?
I’m just sick. And tired. And exhausted. And everything in me wants to say “screw it, it’s not worth it”
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But, as I sit in this stupid bathroom just waiting to be sick again, I am reminded of the Fathers heart because 1. He’s great and kind to remind me and 2. He’s also really annoying and won’t let me wallow in self pity for even 5 minutes, it’s fine, what a guy 🙂
I’m reminded that it’s not about me.
I’m reminded that He didn’t call me all the way across the world to be comfortable. Abundant life is SO a part of the Kingdom but comfort, however, not so much. 🙂
And I’m reminded that there are far more important things to be totally pissed about— like the fact that most of the world doesn’t know Jesus.
There are millions of people out there who could die tonight and would not be going to heaven.
There are millions of people who are living their lives totally broken without hope.
There are millions of people, God’s children that he carefully and intentionally created and put on this earth, who have no idea that they have a Father and a Creator who loves them SO much that He sacrificed His Son to rip apart the veil that separated us and bring us in closer to His heart so that we can live the abundant life that is knowing Him and knowing His heart.
Now that’s something to be pissed about. That’s something to be tired of.
And no matter how much it actually sucks so much, I’m not entitled to literally anything and I owe it all to God anyways because I could easily have been a street kid from a village in Myanmar who has never heard the name of Jesus. But I’m not, praise God. I’m blessed enough to know Him and to know Him intimately and that is for a purpose. And I’m not going to waste that by being an entitled brat.
So here I am, on a balcony very near to the bathroom, in Myanmar, at almost 2 in the morning now, feeling like I’m going to throw up, and so freaking pumped for the Kingdom. Knowing with all my heart that no matter what my body says (bc it does not like foreign countries lolol), the Fathers heart is here and wherever His heart is is right where I want to be.
