For anyone who clicked on this blog because they are worried about me, don’t worry. I am doing great and I am healthy but I wanted to discuss something that has been on my heart a lot recently.
February is an incredibly difficult month for me. It holds the anniversaries of both my cousin’s and my friend’s tragic deaths as well as the birthday of a close friend of mine who passed away in September. I was dreading all of the emotions that were going to come up as I approached this month. I tried minimizing my feelings and I attempted to forget the pain that I was feeling. However, God had a different plan for me.
My squad did an amazing thing for New Years this year— they randomly passed out Bible verses that we could choose to step into during 2016. My verse is Joshua 1:9.
“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.”
I immediately took this verse to heart.
Death is a reality that I came to face early on in life when my friend’s father passed away when we were in first grade. Death is something that I feared. I allowed the thought of death to cause anxiety and distress in my life. I allowed it to control my life and I played it safe.
When I first felt like God was calling me on the Race I hesitated. Going on the Race was risky and I did not trust God to keep me safe. On the outside, I was excited for all the opportunities that the Race presented but on the inside I was terrified. I realized I was ready to give a year of my life to serve God if it meant I could travel and have countless adventures but I was not ready to face the idea that serving God could mean coming face to face with death. If there is one thing I have learned on the Race it is that death is constantly present.
“For we who are alive are always being given over to death for Jesus’ sake, so that his life may be revealed in our mortal body. So then, death is at work in us, but life is at work in you.” 2 Corinthians 4:11-12
From seeing a person in a body bag in Honduras to witnessing the aftermath of a suicide in Vietnam, from experiencing the spiritual warfare of witchcraft to clinging to life when put in difficult situations it is evident that this world is filled with death and darkness. But Jesus gives us another option. Jesus gives us the option of life and light.
When death and affliction feel most present, those are the times where God’s light shines the brightest. He uses the darkness in our lives to draw us closer to him that we may shine with His light.
In Vietnam I was given the amazing opportunity to attend an underground worship service with my team. I struggled with a lot of spiritual emptiness in Vietnam but that worship service changed my perspective and changed my life. As we were guided by a new friend into a dark alleyway and up the stairs to a small room I could feel the light shining bright on me. For the first time that month we worshipped whole-heartedly. After belting out our favorite worship songs, we were asked to find a word that we wanted to define our year. The word that had been on my heart was embrace. To me, it meant embracing life, embracing love, embracing people, and embracing the moment. It is through this perspective that joy and freedom became tangibly present for me and I am ever grateful to the Watchtower because of it.
When I chose the word embrace, I did not think about using it to embrace the hard times as well. This month, I chose to embrace the emotions that flooded me. I did not shy away from my feelings. I allowed myself to cry; I allowed myself to be angry. However, I did not allow fear; I did not allow myself to feel dismayed over the reality of death. Through this, God gave me strength and constant reminders that he is with me wherever I go.
I often turn to the Serenity Prayer especially in the moments I think I am struggling as it is a reminder that hardships are a pathway to peace. With Jesus, I no longer have to be afraid of death. I can accept death as a part of this sinful world and I can live everyday embracing the moment as an earthly tomorrow is not a guarantee but a heavenly tomorrow is.
Prayers and Praises:
-We officially made it past the halfway point of the Race! a lot of really amazing things have happened. Lives have been touched, growth has happened and I am amazed daily by everything God is doing!
-That being said, pray for me and my squad that we take risks, stay away from complacency, and continue to persevere.
-As our time in Cambodia has come to a close, continue praying for the Khmer people. They are still so shaken by the genocide but there is joy in this dark place. Pray that God takes hold of this nation!
-Please pray for our time in Malaysia as we will be entering a closed country again.
-Continue to pray for my fundraising! I am so close but not quite fully funded.
Updates:
-Since we are heading to Malaysia, I will have to put a password up on my blog again. It will be the same– love1234
-I am sorry I have been behind with posting A Day in the Life updates. We have had a super busy couple of months but they will be coming to you soon!
