Well, here I am, sitting in Grandpa’s office in Glendora, California, typing another blog, after a short shopping trip to Target. I can hardly believe it. Our flight was good, uneventful, arriving in Los Angeles at about 7pm, then tearful ‘hellos’ to those we haven’t seen in a year and tearful ‘goodbyes’ to those with whom we’ve spent every moment of the same year. I was greeted with a great ‘mom’ hug from Leah’s mom, and met most of her family, as I intruduced my team to my Grandpa. After nearly an hour of getting bags, waiting through our last immigration and customs lines, saying goodbye, Grandpa and I headed out.
I was exhausted after having been awake for over 30 hours, so climbed into a nice comfortable bed with sheets, about 10:30pm. I did the math and realized that I had already had an 18 hour night, starting at 8pm Hong Kong time, and not counting the night I was about to sleep through! That ‘night’ lasted until 3:30pm EST. Hmm… I had to drag myself out of bed, so that I will sleep tonight!
My emotions and physical body are up and down right now. I have been shaking since I got out bed, and I have butterflies jumping in my stomach. I don’t really have an appetite (though I will still be eating an In ‘N Out burger for dinner for Mom and Dad!), and I can feel the tears are not too far under the surface. It is wonderful to awake to my own room and my grandparents, but at the same time, to awake knowing I won’t be laughing with my team all day, or facing this next challenge without them is very hard.
I watched the TV screen in front of me on the plane as we drew closer to the California coast, and grew more nervous to land here than anywhere else I’ve landed all year. Some Racers were rejoicing that we didn’t have a new culture to adjust to, new people to meet, and new ministries to work with, but I felt that facing that would in some ways be easier. I suppose because it is what I have become accustomed to – facing new things. I know how to do that now. But coming home, setting foot on American soil for the first time in 2007, going home and doing the new things God is caling me to do there – THAT is something I’m not familiar with yet.
And, yet, I know that’s okay. I’m not sure I ever want to be accustomed to where I am or to what God is doing in and around me. I don’t want to ever succumb to mediocrity and a sense of ‘being comfortable’ with God, of aiming for anything less than excellence. I pray He continually challenges me and calls me to greater depths of knowledge of Him than I have ever even imagined. I pray I don’t become comfortable with my life, but always keep growing, even when it’s hard. I don’t know what that looks like, I couldn’t even try to know, and that’s okay. I can go forward in Faith, knowing that my life rests in the hands of my loving Father, and as I walk in obedience, He will guide every step along the way.
I think it was my great teammate Scott Molgard who said something like this recently… The trip is not like a book that is ending, but rather only a good chapter in a great book that you can’t put down. You HAVE to keep going because you really can’t wait to see what happens next.
I can’t agree more.
