As God is healing me from my experiences of the last year, mostly of those in New Orleans, I am beginning to see things in a better light and be able to appreciate my time in New Orleans more. God is beginning to open my eyes to the things that scarred me verses the things that I loved about that place. For the last 4 months I had clumped both aspects together and called it negative. It wasn’t, and isn’t. I wish that I would have made more of my time there, loved more people, served more diligently, opened my heart to the lost and wounded more freely… There are a lot of things that I would maybe change if I were to do it again, but the truth is, I can’t. And therefore, I won’t regret. It saddens my heart to know I missed some of what God was doing, because my vision was blinded with myself, but I praise God that His tender mercies are new every morning. I went down to New Orleans with a vision and purpose – to love those who had lost so much; I left with a foggy misguided vision of myself. I believe God is turning this to good – better yet, He
meant it for good (Gen 50:20). The enemy meant this situation to harm me – to cause me to lose vision and turn away, but God is the Redeemer of all things, and has been the redeemer of me.
I saw “The Guardian” tonight with Talia, and though it was a great movie and very touching (Talia cried a lot. 🙂 ), only one part brought tears to my eyes. The movie is about The Coast Guard, and they make one mention of rescuing during Katrina. During the credits, footage was shown of New Orleans underwater, and of people being rescued. I realized at that point that it wasn’t those people or the city of New Orleans that I was jaded by – my heart is tender toward that still, again. The stories of these people still cause me to ache, and that is proof to me that God is my restorer. In many ways, my heart had become hardened and my perspective lost, but as He heals my heart, I have become soft again and feel the things that He feels in His heart, once again.
I realize I am sort of rambling now… I have tears now, and it’s hard to write, but I don’t want to lose my thoughts here. I am so thankful that my Father sees beyond my weakness and my sin – can come reach down, touch my heart and heal me. It’s a journey and though there may be things I want to change, I am reminded of a quote from a movie (one of my personal favorites.) When asked if she regrets anything, if she could go back and change things, she replies, “No. Because then I wouldn’t know how to make things right again.” Learning from our mistakes. I won’t miss this opportunity.
Praise you Father for your overwhelming grace and faithfulness!!
