I fasted the first 4 days in Morrumbala, and it was the best fasting experience I have had. I felt great and temptations were nothing. I met with God each day, simply spending time with Him. On Saturday night, end of the 4th day, Chad asked me to preach the Sunday morning message at one of the 3 churches the next day. He felt confident that I was the one to do it, and that I had been hearing from the Lord, so had something good to share. I initially objected, but knew deep down that he was right – I couldn’t say no to what I was called to do. I felt I had nothing to share – no clear words from the Lord, or a message prepared, but after a little bit of nervousness, I just said yes, and trusted Him to give me the words as I needed them. The message did come, and it went very well.
But, back to the life changing night before – Saturday. Herb prayed over me, with Chad, Chris, Mallorie and Erin standing by as well. It was simple, nothing fancy, with no agenda set before him, just prayer led by the Holy Spirit. There were few words, other than “Holy Spirit, come, and increase.” And He did. He touched my spirit and soul in a gentle peaceful way that only He can do.
After a good deal of time in this prayer, Herb spoke a few things into me; he discerned a new/increased mantle in my life, though he wasn’t sure what kind of mantle it is. He then prayed for purity in my life. As I mentioned in a previous blog, this purity issue, or the lack thereof, has haunted me for a long time, without full healing. But the Father’s desire is that I not walk under that guilt and disappointment anymore. I cried, wept for a couple minutes, then felt released, and full of peace. I let go. There was no more sensation than that. I just accepted it.
Oh, yeah, at one point, Herb put his hands over my ears, and it was a little bit awkward. I prayed in silence, “uh, Lord, this is awkward to have his hands on my ears… why is he doing this.” “Accept the healing for your ears” came the clear response. So I did. (I have had an inner ear problem causing minor pain, and some hearing loss in my right ear for about 8 years.) As it turns out, Herb had no idea why, but the Holy Spirit told him to place his hands on my ears, and he felt very awkward as well. It wasn’t until later on that we talked about it, and relieved the awkwardness! God moves in crazy ways. I am hearing better, haven’t had any pain since then, and believe that I am healed.
The rest of the two weeks in Morrumbala were awesome, simply because I really enjoyed being in the presence of God every day, in a more tangible way. I became more and more hungry for a greater intimacy and knowledge of God. I want to walk in my calling, my giftings and annointings. The excitement and anticipation lived in my spirit nightly, so I danced instead of slept until late at night. But I wouldn’t want to change that. That time was precious.
My faith grew in leaps and bounds as we saw people getting healed daily at the outreaches. Some of our guys prayed for a blind man, and he saw; a deaf man and he heard. I prayed for many people with headaches and they were healed on the spot, walking away with smiles. Stomach aches, back pain, chest pain, fevers – all healed on the spot. I have known always that God moved this way, but had rarely seen it happen through my own hands. Each case brought more excitement and faith. I loved going to outreaches, and couldn’t wait for ‘mosh pit’ healing prayer time. I haven’t felt more fulfilled than when I prayed for people on the whole trip to date. It was fun. Really fun! I prayed for kids and women mostly, just a few words, and they were healed. Sometimes I would be filled with words of blessing for a certain person and that would pour out of my mouth. I prayed often in tongues, having no words to express my heart, which is actually the heart of God for these people.
My time in Swaziland brought confirmation of what the Holy Spirit had done in my life in the previous weeks. Gary Black, one of our trainers looked at me, grinned and asked what happened to me. He saw in me a more radiant countenance, a smile that came from deeper within me. He also said he saw in me a ‘clean spirit’, bringing the confirmation on the finished purity issue. Then he spoke of an increased mantle of peace in my life. Again, more confirmation. I asked him what that really means for me. A mantle is something that I impart to others, so in this case, peace. That is part of what God has called me to do. Gary felt it rests in my family, which I believe is also true, as many people in our lives can attest to. Worshippers often carry peace. I find that interesting, and beautiful.
I have a continued hunger for more, but my prayer is that as He satisfies (He will always feed hunger), that I am never fully satisfied because my hunger just continues to grow. It would be easy to become complacent again, even if I remain a ‘good Christian’, and love Jesus. Complacency and less than the best God has for me just isn’t good enough though. I won’t settle.
I have so much to learn, more than ever. Once one is exposed to such truth, a choice is to be made. I have chosen the radical way, even if I don’t fully know what that looks like. It looks like a hunger that is never fully satisfied, a craving for more of Someone that has no end in all of eternity. It looks like uninhibited obedience to the voice of a loving, personal Holy Father. It looks like loving people in a way I haven’t known was possible. It looks like true joy in the midst of trials. Radical. Whatever it takes Jesus. I will follow You.
I’m in love with a Man, I’m in love with a Stranger, I’m in love with my Maker, whom I have never seen.
I’m in love with a Lamb, I’m in love with a Lion, I’m in love with my Savior, whom I have yet to know.
Won’t You let me love You more, this is all that I desire. Won’t You let me love You more, this is all that I require. Won’t You let me love You more, this is my deepest heart’s desire. Won’t You let me love You more, still more.
You could give to me the gift of walking on water, and maybe, maybe I will raise the dead.
I have one live to live and all I have to give to You is love.
If I never walk on water, if I never see the miracles, if I never hear Your voice so loud;
Just knowing that You love me is enough to keep me here and just hearing those words is enough,
Is enough to satisfy. You satisfy.
I couldn’t leave even if I tried.
I must have you!
~
Misty Edwards~
