I miss the Word Race. I miss the community. I
miss the debriefs when our leaders poured into us. I miss the constant
change and challenge.
I haven’t been keeping up with people from the Race very
well, or blogs from the leaders until today.
On the Race, I didn’t subscribe to the leader’s blogs, because I
wouldn’t have had time to read them.
Now, here I am 2 and half months later finally getting around to finding
those blogs. I am also trying now to
make a point of keeping up with some of the currently racing teams out
there.
As I read Gary and Lisa Blacks blogs today, I cried. I miss my life of last year. I miss that encouragement and life I was
given in that time. Things weren’t
always perfect with our leadership- they made mistakes, but they did their best
(and it was great) to pour the life of Christ into our hungry and thirsty
spirits. Sometimes it happened from a
distance, speaking to the whole group, and a couple times I had the chance to
meet one on one with them.
There is some balance that I’m not sure I’ve found between
being fed and feeding others. Between
being poured into and pouring out. I
have spent a year of taking in more than giving out, and I know that God has
clearly called me to pass on all that He has given me. On a day-to-day basis, I don’t know what
that looks like. I have had the
opportunity to share some of my stories and pieces of my heart to my church and
another youth group, and I have truly loved doing that. Something about that kind of speaking makes
me come more alive. But daily…I don’t
know.
I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I am where I am
supposed to be right now, working towards a vision the Lord has rather clearly
instilled in me. But there is that huge
piece of me that wants to be with those who are deeply passionate, and ignite
passion. Seth, Andrew, Gary and Lisa
live with passion…passion for Jesus, passion for people, passion for vision,
passion for raising a generation of people passionate for Christ. Their lives back up their teaching, and that
is inspiring for me.
Where is the great passion here? I know it’s in my spirit, and I’m dying to have it exposed – to
live life that way. Perhaps I fear
because I don’t see others living out their lives with passion, so I keep it
somewhat bottled. It’s also true that
people thrive with those who are most like themselves in heart, those with the
same DNA, and that is true of me with people on the World Race. I have to believe there are people here who live
with a similar passion after the Lord as me.
I just feel like I’ve not found it yet.
What is passion?
Maybe I don’t even know, but I feel like it’s missing in the majority of
the American church. That makes me sad,
because without it, I think we are missing so much of the actual Kingdom
reality, allowing ourselves to be caught up in issues that are relatively
irrelevant to that Kingdom.
It’s this
one passion that drives one to sacrifice when God calls…to step out in faith
when all you think you feel is fear…to not live in fear of other’s opinions or
limitations, but to only pursue the approval of our God. It takes a passion for Him to live out who
He has called us to be. Like, I said, I
know it dwells in my spirit, but I feel it’s gone somewhat dormant on a daily
basis… What is passion, and how do I
live it out? I don’t know right now.
