I’ve learned to have grace, when I don’t understand why others think or feel or see the way they do. When I’m frustrated with others, instead of extending even an inkling of the grace that I have been given, I loose perspective and enter relationships with an ungodly spirit. It has been humbling to realize that this spirit of frustration and lack of grace held back my team in seeking the Lord.
When seeing that some of my teammates didn’t dig as deep into prayer as much or the way that
I
wanted them to, I allowed frustration to develop. My attitude became that of one who believes himself to be superior, but hidden behind a false humility and ‘righteous anger.’ I couldn’t understand why people would not want what I want. Why would people not want to pray together, when we are supposed to be a people of prayer? It made no sense to me, and because of my seemingly justified opinion, I fought for my way without grace. But I learned this only closes doors, and never opens them. Judgment towards others never opens the door of relationship. Grace will consistently open doors.
This has been a journey of learning grace. This has been a chapter in this journey of exercising grace. Community living demands it. Relationship demands it. God demands it of us, having given us the ultimate example through his Son.
Once I surrendered my own natural desire to demand my way, to fight for my right to be right on the issue, the issue settled and didn’t matter anymore. There are certainly times where an outright apology for behavior is necessary, but I found that this time, it was my own surrender, without a word spoken to others that released us to move forward. When I extended grace to others, even only in my heart and mind, releasing the spirit of frustration and judgment, the air cleared.
How can I not pass on the grace, even a touch of it, that God has given me through Jesus Christ? When I only deserved judgment, punishment and condemnation, He loved me and gave His son to take my judgment, punishment and condemnation upon Himself, to die my death, resurrect and offer me new life. While we were
yet sinners, Christ died for us. Is it that I haven’t realized the grace and mercy my heavenly Father has given me, that I can’t pass it to others? I think that is the most likely answer to why any of us don’t give grace to others as we should.
Sometimes I get frustrated with myself for just not ‘getting it’ like I want to. I KNOW there is more of God that I am not getting, that I do not understand. I don’t expect to try to understand God – he’s much too infinite for my finite human mind to ever comprehend, but I want to KNOW Him more than I do.
Everyday, I want to know Him more. Everyday I want to be more aware of His sacrifice for my life, the sacrifice He made for my affections for Him. I want my heart to be more surrendered everyday. I want to fall more deeply in love with Him alone, everyday. I want to enjoy prayer more each day, more fully aware that it is truly dialog with the Almighty God of Heaven, who loves me intimately and personally, and is intricately involved in every aspect of my life.
I
want to know how to express what I experience and know of God to people more clearly, filled with the Holy Spirit in such a way that people are moved by
Him. I want to be filled with Him. I desire that my life manifest the fruits of the Spirit, truly, not only in words, but in actions –
love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. I don’t even think I know what that would look like.
I guess I can’t worry about what it would look like. Just be obedient to the next step, the next direction from the ONE who loves me more than anyone, my Creator and Savior. As He continues to sanctify me, causing me to become more like Him, manifesting the fruits, the less aware I will become of ‘looking’ like anything. So long as I am still
aware, I have a long way to go! Ha!
Thank you Father for unending grace and new mercies every morning for this process of sanctification. Thank you Jesus for being my priest, my intercessor before the throne of God on my behalf. Thank you Holy Spirit for continuing the work in me, faithful to complete what you have begun in me, never leaving my side.
