I have been thinking alot about how things will change in my life on this trip. I have many ideas in my head and so many expectations. I also am aware that I can’t have any specific expectations. I know my life will be changed. I will come back, in many ways, a different person. But, I will still be Alissa Bree Gibson. I imagine that some things will be sifted out of me, my weaknesses revealed through challenging and new circumstances. I wonder how I will be stronger, what of my strengths will be increased.
Listening to an ’06 Racer reminded me that life here at home isn’t all that different when we get back, and it is easy enough to slide into ‘normal’ life again. I imagine, and to be honest, there are times where I already anticipate that. I want to be ‘ruined for the ordinary’, but I also wonder how difficult it will be when I return to remain ‘ruined for the ordinary.’ My perspective on many aspects of life will alter, and my prayer is that my heart will formed to be more like Jesus, but I am also faced with the truth that I will still only be human when I get home.
I believe my heart will grow in compassion, and that I will learn to serve more diligently. I love people, and I know that God will grow that love more and more. I will have more people to love and will have more love to give.
I believe I will be broken, in both positve and negative ways. Hopefully it’s all positive at the end, but I have no doubt there will be times that my brokenness will not be a beautiful ‘brokennes for Jesus.’ I am a selfish human, and this idea of a year long trek like this scares me a little, because of what will inevitably show up in my life.. I am a bit afraid of personal vulnerability, (though some of you may not believe me, it really IS true), and I won’t have a choice this year except to open myself to others. I will have to share my life with my teammates and give of myself to more people than I can imagine right now.
I also look forward to loving the people who will invest in me – from my leaders on my team, to those I’ve gone to serve. It’s proven true in the other people’s ministry experiences, that often times we go with an expectation to give, when God’s true purpose is for us to receive, or at least be mutual. That excites me.
And I believe that I will grow more in love with Jesus. I know that my knowledge of Him will grow, my understanding of his love for the nations and for me will increase. My hearts desire is to begin that journey right now, and to continue it when I return home.
So, I want to know: in what ways do you anticipate change in me? I’m curious.. 🙂 Some of you know me better than others, but even those who I may have only just met, I would love for you to comment on this. 🙂
